


Louder Than Words

by combustiblelemon, wigglecat



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: 1970s, Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-14
Updated: 2017-08-20
Packaged: 2018-01-24 16:53:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 32,934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1612418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/combustiblelemon/pseuds/combustiblelemon, https://archiveofourown.org/users/wigglecat/pseuds/wigglecat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sirius Black meets the boy who sits in the front of every class and never seems to say a word to anyone and learns why Remus Lupin has so much trouble getting close to his classmates, after kicking a ball at his head.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

  
Being a teenager was hard enough, but not being able to hear posed special challenges, especially when your parents were hearing.

Remus wasn't born deaf. When he was six years old, he'd got very sick from a shot he'd received, but no one could figure out why. Ever since then, he’d fallen sick more often than the other kids in the neighbourhood, for longer periods of time. Because of this, his parents had become more protective of him. Remus would fall sick easily if he went out too much, so his parents tried to keep him indoors, to keep him safe. A few months after he started getting sick, an infection caused his complete hearing loss.

Lately his eyesight had been getting worse. His vision had always been a little blurry, but it had never been this bad before. That’s why his parents had been getting more strict with him. They now expected him to be home right after school and never got tired of reminding him to avoid roads with heavy traffic if possible, and to be aware of his surroundings all the time.

Remus would usually have a quick look in the library to see if there were any interesting books before he went home, but today, he got distracted by a new arrival and lost track of time.

After checking out the library book, he stuffed it in his satchel, swung the bag over his shoulder, and hurried home before nightfall, using the shortcut next to the school field.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

"You're not even trying anymore, Black! Get it together! Our first game is in this weekend!" Sirius couldn't help but roll his eyes at James. He and the rest of the team had been dealing with James getting all snappy on them for the last week, and his patience with his best friend was wearing thin. But James hadn't even seen him rolling his eyes. He was too busy getting the ball down the field and scoring yet again. Not that it was very hard. Peter was in the goal today, and while he was a very good towel manager, he was pants at keeping, bless his heart.

It wasn't even like this was a real practice. The coach had gone home early to tend to her family (one of her kids was sick or something), so practice had been called off and half the team hadn't even shown up. The guys who had shown up had organised a pickup game, four on four since they'd made Peter play, but James was just so fucking bossy. Sirius and Frank had stopped caring twenty minutes ago. The Prewett twins were just standing by the far goal, chatting about something while they waited for the ball to come down that way. Benjy seemed to be trying to pacify James by actually getting a little practice in with Edgar, but Peter wasn't putting up much of a fight in the goal.

Peter scampered off to retrieve the ball, throwing it to Sirius who easily trapped it. He was about to start dribbling the ball down the field when he heard James shouting at him.

"If you don't score today, you're not playing on Saturday!"

Oh hell no. This wasn't even a proper practice. Where did James get off threatening him like that? Hadn't he been training just as hard as everyone else? Sirius stopped, turning to glare at James for a moment before kicking the ball as hard as he could at him. He'd kicked just a bit too hard. The ball went soaring over James' head, towards some kid who had his nose buried in a book. Oh fuck. "Hey, look out!"

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

Something hit Remus hard on the head abruptly while he was running home. He felt himself black out and losing balance, eventually collapsing sideway on the concrete pavement with his right arm hitting the ground first.

"Oh fuck, please don't be dead, please don't be dead," Sirius kept repeating under his breath as he ran up the field, James on his heels. When he finally reached the kid, he knelt down beside him, gently lifting his head up off of the pavement and cradling it on his lap. He'd never seen this kid before, but he was wearing a Hogwarts uniform so at least he hadn't accidentally murdered some kid that had accidentally wandered onto the grounds. Except from the looks of his chest rising and falling, he was still alive. Good! James caught up and dropped to the floor next to Sirius, resting his head on the kid's chest to listen for a heartbeat. When he found one, he sat up again and punched Sirius in the arm.

"Way to go, mate. Think we should pick him up and take him to the hospital wing? He hasn't broken anything, right?"

Sirius frowned and would have punched James back if he hadn't been so afraid of hurting the kid even more. "I don't think so…" But if he had, would it be safe to lift him up? Wouldn't that make it worse? He sighed, brushing the kid's hair out of his face.

The right side of his body hurt, especially his arm. Remus frowned as he felt the light touches on his face and there was a throbbing pain in his head. He slowly opened his eyes, wincing and squinting as his vision cleared. Two black-haired boys (one with a pair of glasses whose hair was sticking up in all direction and the other very good looking one with short, somewhat less messy hair) whose faces were contorted in concern were peering down at him. Remus had never seen them before, but judging from the shirt they were wearing, Remus worked out that they were on the school football team.

So wait, if they were peering down at him, did it mean that his head was in the lap of the boy who wasn’t wearing glasses, the one that was closer to him?

Remus pushed himself up at the thought, forgetting that he had an injured arm and grimaced when the pain hit him. Ow… he’d scratched his right upper arm but the wound wasn’t so deep that it’d bleed. He reached up to touch the spot where his head hurt and discovered that it was swollen. It’d probably bruised when he…

Hold on a second, why was he lying in the boy’s lap in the first place? He looked down silently as he wrecked his brain, trying to recall what had happened.

Sirius jerked back as the boy sat up, startled by his sudden movement. Had he woken him up by petting his hair? He reached out to touch his shoulder.

"You all right, mate?" he asked, concerned that the boy hadn't said anything or asked about what happened. What if he'd given the poor kid a concussion?! James watched them expectantly, waiting for the boy to tell them how he felt. They could always help him up to the hospital wing if he needed it.

Remus turned his head around to meet the pair of grey eyes that bored into his amber ones as he felt the light touch on his shoulder.

He couldn't recall what happened but he guessed he'd try to figure it out when he got home without the pressure of being surrounded by people, who were probably asking him questions that he couldn't hear.

Remus picked up his satchel and got onto his feet, stumbling forward and walking in the direction of his home.

Sirius and James watched the kid wander away without answering any of their questions, stumbling over his own feet as he walked. The other guys from the team had come over to make sure Sirius hadn't accidentally murdered one of their classmates.

"D'you think he'll make it home all right?" James raised a brow as the kid swayed a little as he walked away from them.

Sirius tried not to look too worried as he rested his elbows on his knees, cupping his chin with his hands. "I hope so. Do you think we should follow him and make sure he doesn't collapse halfway there?"

"Maybe he's gone off to die in private," Peter offered helpfully. "You know, it must be hard to have a nice concussion with blokes watching you and asking all sorts of questions." Sirius shot him a look and he clamped his mouth shut. James, on the other hand, laughed and tugged Sirius up off of the ground.

"C'mon, lads. We have a game to practice for. We'll never win the tournament if we blow it on the first game." Sirius started to follow James back onto the pitch, but he couldn't help but look back to make sure the kid was okay. Oh, he was gone. Hopefully he'd make it home without dying.


	2. Chapter 2

Remus didn’t feel very well on his way home. He was a bit dizzy and had trouble walking in a straight line. He recalled that he’d been hit by something hard on his head, though. Considering the circumstances, one of those footballers had probably hit him with their ball. Perhaps that was why they’d all been hovering over him like that.

He was home a bit later than usual, and his mother rushed forward to check on him, closing the door behind him as soon as he entered the house. _“How did you get that bruise on your head?”_  Mrs. Lupin signed worriedly, peering up at the swollen bruise on her son’s temple.

 _“I’m fine, mum. Just tripped and fell.”_  Remus didn’t want his mother to worry about him, so he lied, signing back with shaky hands, trying to hide how unsteady he felt.

Mrs. Lupin reached up to touch Remus’ injury gently but he hissed and flinched away. _“You didn’t get attacked in school, did you?”_  Remus had a history of being bullied in his previous school because of his condition. It had got out of hand that he’d had to transfer.

Remus smiled reassuringly at his mother, shaking his head. _“I’ll be upstairs.”_

There wasn’t much that Mrs. Lupin could do, if her son wouldn’t tell her the truth. She just watched her son climb the stairs, her brows creased in concern as Remus disappeared into his room.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

The next day at school, Sirius looked around for that kid he'd knocked out. Of course, it wasn't as easy as it sounded. Apparently Sirius didn't really notice anyone that wasn't in his circle of friends, and there were dozens of faces that he didn't recognise. When did so many kids start going here? Most of the faces he didn't recognise belonged to kids who were a solid 9 cm shorter than he was, kids who must have been a few years under him, but that kid had been kind of short too, hadn't he? Not _that_  short, but still. James looked over at Sirius, nudging him a little as he almost walked into a wall.

"I'm sure he's not really dead. We'll look for him in class. Benjy said he sits in front every day," James said quietly, trying to reassure him. Sirius laughed a little, elbowing James back. Yeah, he hadn't hit that kid hard enough to kill him, no matter what Peter had said about him dying in a ditch. Wait, what if he died in a ditch? Who would know? Maybe his parents. There would have been something on the news about a missing kid if he really had died in a ditch. Pete was full of shit. The kid would be fine, but Sirius wanted to find him and apologise again anyway.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

After storing his books and bag in his locker when all the morning electives were over, Remus took the lunchbox that his mother prepared for him in the morning, pulled out a library book from his bag before locking the locker, and headed to the cafeteria for lunch. It had been a busy day filled with classes. He hadn’t returned to his tutor group except for taking his attendance in the morning.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

Sirius followed James and Peter to the cafeteria, still looking around for that quiet kid. He finally spotted him sitting with a book and a lunchbox. It was about time too. He was starting to think he'd imagined knocking out the poor kid. He nudged James to let him know where he was going before heading over to talk to him. The kid didn't look up when Sirius walked up behind him, so he plopped himself down in the chair next to him.

"Hey, uh... I'm sorry about yesterday. I didn't mean to get you like that. Can I make it up to you?"

Remus turned around when he caught a slight movement in the corner of his eye. His eyes widened when he realised that it was one of the guys on the football team who’d been holding him when he came to. He was probably the one who'd nailed him in the head with a football the day before. Remus was never good with strangers, and the urge of wanting to leave rose up.

Before Sirius could do anything to him, Remus shut his book and swiftly packed his lunchbox. The chair scraped the floor as he stood and turned to leave for his usual hiding place, an old storage shack near the edge of the school grounds.

Sirius watched the boy gather his things and hurry off, a little hurt that he hadn't accepted his apology. He hadn't even said a word to him! His friends came over and plopped down at the table with him, James taking the kid's empty seat next to him and handing him his lunch.

"How'd it go?" James asked, unwrapping his own sandwich.

Sirius shrugged, frowning a little as he opened his lunch. "Not good, I guess? He didn't care. He walked off without saying anything." He picked the little pickle slices out of his sandwich and dropped them onto Peter's tray before taking a bite. Peter grinned at him, picking them up and using them to decorate his hot dog. James wiped his hand before fluffing Sirius' hair a little.

"He'll come around. And if he doesn't, that's his problem. You apologised. There's not much else you can do, especially if he doesn't want you to do anything." Sirius knew that James was right, but it still bothered him. He'd never had anyone outright ignore him before.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius eventually finds out why the quiet kid has been ignoring him and the possibility of a new friendship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written messages are underlined.

The black haired boy on the football team had stopped bothering him since their little encounter in the cafeteria, which Remus was grateful for. He noticed, for the first time since the beginning of term, that they were in the same tutor group and shared quite a few classes together. They had exchanged eye contact in classrooms and corridors but neither of them had shown any signs of talking to each other, and they pretended that the accident didn’t happen at all.

Sirius had given up on the quiet kid. He didn't really seem angry, anyway, and James said his constant attempts to ask him to forgive him were probably scaring him more than the football had in the first place. But he did notice him in the hallways more often now, and they did have several classes together after all. The boy didn't really talk to anyone. Sirius didn't really mean to keep watching him, but he couldn't help it. The kid sat in the front row in all the classes they had together, spent the whole time taking notes, and turned in his homework without a word to anyone. He didn't seem to have any friends at school. Sirius didn't know if he was shy or he really didn't want to talk to anyone, but it didn't seem like he'd get the chance to find out.

Things went back to normal, since neither of the boys made an effort to talk to the other. Being as cautious as he was, Remus took an alternative path and avoided the football field when he walked home after school ever since the accident. Knowing his condition, Remus would also look twice before crossing the road. He stood still and waited at the traffic red light on his usual route home after leaving the school grounds one day, unaware of the football team that was walking behind him, and only stepped onto the road when the signal to cross was on.

James and Frank were kicking the football between them, with Gideon chasing after it when it got away from them on Frank's side and Peter doing the same on James'. Benjy and Fabian were trying to convince Sirius that he should help them with their English project, and he was more or less nodding in agreement without registering what he was agreeing to. Sirius was tired. James was working them too hard and he had too much homework and he didn't really care about anything right now but going home to take a nap. They were going to have to hurry if they wanted to catch the signal to cross before it changed again. At the rate they were going, they'd probably have to wait for the next one.

Out of nowhere, a car came barreling down the road. It didn't seem like it was going to stop and there was a kid in the crosswalk. But the car was honking and surely the kid would just get out of the street. Wait, was that the weird kid? Why wasn't he moving out of the way? He wasn't going to make it. The car was going too fast to stop and the kid hadn't even noticed it. Sirius didn't even think before setting off at a sprint. He barely made it in time to knock the kid out of the way, tackling him onto the other side of the road. "What's the matter with you?! Do you have a death wish or something?!"

Remus was too shocked to react when someone suddenly tackled him hard from behind. The confusion on his face dissolved immediately as soon as he saw the car zooming past in front of him when he turned around. He'd also finally noticed that it was that good looking black haired boy on the football team that had saved him. Realising his whole weight was on the other boy's arm, Remus scrambled up and leaned closer to observe the other with concern.

Someone knelt down next to Remus to check on the other boy, followed by quite a few other football team members a few moments later. Remus recognised that it was the boy's messy haired friend. He helped the black haired boy sit up and checked on his injuries before he took his arm and draped it around his shoulder, hoisting him up.

Remus didn't know what to do. He was worried about the black haired boy and he wanted to thank him. It seemed that they were going somewhere else and all Remus could do was to follow them.

James lifted Sirius up to his feet and started dragging him down the street towards his house, the other guys on the team and the weird, quiet kid following along behind them. Sirius let James pull him for a block or so before swatting him away.

"Get off, mum, I'm fine," he laughed, reaching up to shove James off with his good arm. James gave him a mock stern look and shook his head. "I'll have none of that. You don't have to pretend to be so brave for us, Sirius." James hid his face in his arm and pretended to weep loudly. Sirius laughed harder and aimed a kick at him, which James was almost able to dodge.

"If this is how you treat your real mum, I'm not surprised she hates you," he said, reaching down to rub his thigh where Sirius had kicked it. "No, that's backwards. I'm a dreadful son _because_ she hates me," Sirius snapped back, making a face. "I know, mate, I was just kidding. Anyway, I'm pretty sure my mum likes you more than she likes me, so at least you've got her."

Sirius nodded slowly, only half listening to James. He'd just noticed that the quiet kid was following them, behind the rest of the team. He looked like he was all right, so that was good. At least he hadn't gotten hurt in the fall. He really didn't have to come with them, especially since Sirius was pretty sure that they made him uncomfortable and he didn't like them very much. James seemed to be having similar thoughts, looking back at the kid and frowning a little. "D'you think he feels like he has to come to make sure you're all right? It would be mean to tell him to leave, wouldn't it?" And if James' mum found out he was being rude, she'd skin him alive. Sirius shrugged, turning away from the others and leaning heavily against James. If he wanted to help him walk, he was going to be as difficult as possible. James relaxed his grip on him and pulled away, making Sirius fall onto the grass.

Remus jumped a little when he saw Sirius fell onto the grass. He was about to go to the front to help him up but James beat him to it, tugging Sirius back up by his good arm, frowning and lecturing him. "I'm not going to help you if you're being an ass and making it hard for me, Black." Sirius stuck his tongue out at James as he was hoisted up, pretending to curtsy, using his good arm, once he was upright again.

Remus could only make out part of what James said, focusing on the movement of his lips, as he couldn't see them clearly from where he was. It had just dawned on him that he hadn't learned of the other boy's name since the accident, and he assumed "Black" was his last name. Keeping that in mind, he decided to look up the class registry the next day to find out the other's first name, so he could write him a thank you note or even a card.

The whole football team and Remus followed James back to his house and waited for someone to open the front door for them after ringing the doorbell. James adjusted Sirius' arm that was draped on his shoulder to make sure that he wouldn't fall when a middle-aged lady, presumably James' mother, came to open the door. She gasped, seeing Sirius' scratched arm, and helped her son to support him into the house, telling the last person that entered the house to shut the door. Although Remus couldn't read Mrs. Potter's lips when she was turned away from him, it was common sense for him to do it.

Mrs. Potter sat Sirius down on the couch and went to the kitchen to fetch the first aid kit. The team sat on the floor next to the couch and Remus sat down awkwardly on the floor next to Sirius so he could look at his injury, while James switched the TV on for them to watch.

Everything was nicely organised in the house, so it didn’t take Mrs. Potter long to find the kit and come back with it. “New teammate?” She finally noticed Remus’ presence and asked James, who shook his head, but didn’t quite know how to explain about the quiet kid to his mother. Mrs. Potter didn’t press the subject as there were more pressing matter to deal with. She sat down on the couch next to Sirius and asked him to hold out his injured arm. She furrowed her brows as she inspected it, fumbling in the first aid kid for some cotton and antiseptic to clean the scratch. “That looks nasty. Where did you get that?”

"Your son picked me up and threw me out a window." Sirius laughed as Mrs. Potter stopped what she was doing to raise a brow at James. He made a face, picking up a pillow to toss at Sirius and thinking better of it when he realised that his mother was in the line of fire. "He was busy playing hero. He'll live, though, right? Once the arm comes off," he said, resting his chin on his hands. Sirius let out a strangled cry and clutched his arm to his chest, hiding it from Mrs. Potter. She shook her head and grabbed his arm, trying to pull it back.

"Boys! Enough! All of you, out. You can come back once Sirius has been patched up. Go play football in the yard or something." She got up to shoo the boys out of the living room, so that Sirius would sit still.

Remus watched the banter between James and Sirius confusedly. The conversations exchanged too quickly that Remus was unable to follow. He thought Sirius was hurt badly and everyone had to go when Mrs. Potter shooed them out of the room. He reluctantly got up and looked back at Sirius worriedly as he followed the other boys out.

Ah, Sirius didn't want the boy to leave yet! He hadn't even said anything! Maybe Mrs. Potter could make sure he wasn't hurt. He reached out and grabbed him by the wrist with his good arm. "Wait, don't go." He turned to Mrs. Potter, still holding onto his wrist. "He fell too. Will you make sure he's all right?"

Remus turned around when Sirius grabbed him by the wrist. He lip-read that he wanted his friend’s mother to look at him as well.

“Sure. Come have a seat.” Mrs. Potter got up from the couch to let Remus sit on it and rolled up both of his sleeves to check if he had got any injuries.

Being completely shielded by Sirius as they rolled onto the side of the road, Remus hadn’t sustained any grave injuries, only some minor scratches. Mrs. Potter cleaned them with antiseptic and was done in a few minutes after putting band-aids on.

“There you go. And now, Sirius.”

Mrs. Potter picked up the used cottons and plastic-coverings off of the ground before binning them and going upstairs to get a bowl of water and a soft towel to continue cleaning the dirt and gravel out of Sirius’ wounds.

Sirius exhaled slowly, taking advantage of Mrs. Potter's absence to sneak a quick glance at the quiet boy. He was glad that he hadn't gotten hurt. Wait, he was staring. He was being weird. He had to say something to make this less awkward. "Hi."  
  
Once Mrs. Potter was gone, Remus looked down on his lap to avoid eye contact with Black. He hoped Mrs. Potter would come back downstairs soon. It made Remus nervous to sit alone with the boy he didn’t know at all in the same room, despite the fact that he'd saved him twice.

When the boy didn't respond, Sirius reached for his shoulder to get his attention. He'd started putting together that the boy was deaf after he'd shouted at him about the car without getting a reaction. It made sense. He didn't hear the car coming, he hadn't heard them warning him about the football. He'd ignored Sirius' apology because he couldn't hear it. He just saw a strange kid sitting with him and must have been startled or uncomfortable with the attention.

Remus looked up at the unanticipated gentle touch on his shoulder with his eyes slightly widened. He opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something, but closed it again when no words were formed.

Sirius wondered if he'd scared the boy again by trying to get his attention. He wished he had some paper and a pen, but. He sighed, letting go of him. "You can't hear me, can you?"

Remus dropped his eyes to Sirius’ lips to lip-read what he said when he spoke. Oh, so he knew? Since there was no point in covering it up anymore, Remus shook his head, admitting it. He then quickly took out a notepad and a pen from his bag and wrote “I can lip-read, though.” before showing the other boy.

Sirius nodded slowly, feeling awful about the fact that he'd probably made the kid even more stressed out about things after hitting him in the head with a football. "Okay. I'm sorry. About the football and all of this."

Remus shook his head before he scribbled in his notepad again. "I should be thanking you for saving me. I'm sorry for avoiding you."

Sirius smiled weakly and shook his head. "I'm sorry for scaring you. What's your name?"

"Remus. And you?" Remus held the notepad and the pen out for Sirius to write it down, smiling at him shyly.

Sirius took the pen and wrote "Sirius. It's nice to meet you, Remus." on the paper next to Remus' name. He smiled at him, handing the paper back.

Mrs. Potter just came downstairs when Sirius passed the notepad back to Remus. She had everything ready and went to the living room with an amused smile on her face. "Why are you passing notes? Are you talking about secrets that I'm not supposed to know?"

"Yes, they're very secret and no one can ever know!" Sirius smiled at Mrs. Potter, making room on the couch for her again. "This is Remus, Mrs. Potter. We're passing notes because he's deaf."

Mrs. Potter set the bowl on the coffee table and turned to Remus in shock, gasping, before she could react. "Oh. Are you?" She didn't quite know how to react and wait, Remus couldn't hear her, could he? She leaned forward to pull Remus into a hug.

Remus reached up to gently pat Mrs. Potter on the back to tell her that it was all right before she pulled away. She borrowed Remus' pen and notepad and wrote on it. "Let me know if you need anything, okay? I'm going to clean Sirius' wound."

Remus nodded and sat quietly as he watched Sirius' friend's mum set to work.

Sirius held still while Mrs. Potter tidied up the cuts on his arms and wrapped the bandages tight. He could hear his friends coming back inside, but they must have gone to the kitchen for something to eat, since they didn't show up in the living room again.

When she was done, Mrs. Potter stood up and kissed Sirius on the forehead. "Try to be more careful, all right, dear?" He grinned at her as he got up, stretching his arm out. "Okay, okay."

Mrs. Potter had made scones before James got home, but she hadn't expected the whole football team would come visit so the boys were likely to be fighting over food in the kitchen right now.

Sirius was the only person besides Mrs. Potter that Remus was more familiar with in this house. He followed suit when Sirius got up from the couch, planning to stay close to him.

Sirius smiled at Remus and motioned for him to follow him to the kitchen to meet the rest of the team. As expected, the guys were fighting over the scones. Since it was James' house, it was only fair that he get one, but the other three were fair game. Mrs. Potter shook her head and went to get more food out of the pantry. Sirius gently nudged Remus in the arm and turned to face him. "Do you like chocolate ice cream?"

They all seemed to be very close with each other. Remus couldn’t help but smile, feeling warmth spread through him at the sight. He turned to Sirius when he caught his attention again and nodded his answer.

“I like sweets and chocolate.” Remus wrote on his notepad to show Sirius with a coy smile.

James caught a glimpse of Sirius and the weird boy passing notes at the corner of his eyes and went over to them, peering over Sirius’ shoulder to see what it was that they were writing. “Exchanging secret notes with the quiet boy, huh?”

Sirius took the pen and wrote "This is James" with a stupid face and an arrow pointing at his best friend. "They're only secret notes if you can't read, mate." He turned to grab a carton of ice cream out of the freezer and two bowls out of the cupboard. "His name is Remus."

"What?" James frowned in confusion, tilting his head to the side in question as he put all the bits and pieces together. "Oh. He's deaf and mute?"

Sirius had been in the process of pulling out some plastic spoons for their ice cream. He frowned and threw one at James. "I dunno if he's mute and I'm not going to ask! If he wants to speak to us, he will." The little plastic spoon didn't make it all the way over the counter and fell harmlessly about halfway to James' face, making him laugh. The other guys from the team had heard James and were looking over at Remus.

Remus shifted uncomfortably at the sudden attention he received and fixed his gaze on the ground, wanting very much to dig a hole to hide.

"If you lot don't stop staring, I'm going to eat all the pastries." Sirius scooped some ice cream into the bowls and handed one to Remus. He picked up the pen and pulled the notepad over again. "Sorry about them."

Successfully being distracted, the boys quickly grabbed a handful of cupcakes and donuts to pile on their plates before Sirius could even have a chance to lay his hands on them.

Although Remus was unaware of what Sirius had said to divert the others' attention with him staring at the ground, he assumed Sirius must have done something or the boys wouldn't have suddenly gathered around the plate of pastries.

He accepted the bowl with a smile as a silent thank you and ate it little by little with the spoon.

Remus could speak, but he hadn't used his voice at all since he'd become deaf at 6. He was sure he'd sound ridiculous when he spoke, so he preferred not to.

He tilted his head to the side to see what Sirius was writing, chewing on his spoon, and shook his head before taking the pen from Sirius. "Thank you for distracting them."

“They're all right once you get to know them. They're just really nosy." Sirius laughed, watching James go back over to the rest of the team. He finished his ice cream and put the bowl in the sink before throwing away the little plastic spoon.

Remus nodded and continued to eat his ice cream in silence. He didn’t know anyone here except Sirius. Sirius’ friends were too busy with food and play fighting that they’d forgotten about his presence. Remus didn’t want to interrupt and he stood aside as he watched them.

Sirius came back and stood next to Remus, leaning on the counter. He picked up the notepad and pen to write another note to Remus. "Do you want to hang out with us tomorrow at school?"

Remus contemplated for a while before shaking his head and wrote his reply. “I think I’m fine, thanks for asking, though.” He didn’t know them well. He doubted he would be able to fit in anyway and it’d be awkward for him to tag along.

Sirius wasn't sure whether or not he'd managed to hide his disappointment at all after reading the paper. "Can I hang out with you?"

Remus was very sensitive and his heart skipped a beat when he caught the slight hint of Sirius' disappointment. He didn’t mind hanging out with Sirius alone, though. He was nice and he already felt at ease being around him. "Yes, sure."

Sirius smiled at him, glad that he'd agreed. He had a feeling that his friends were probably making Remus a little nervous, since he seemed really shy.

Remus only realised it'd been quite a while since after school when he'd finally calmed down ever since the accident. He panicked and looked at his watch before picking up his pen to scribble hastily. "I'm sorry. I think I have to go. I'm glad that you're all right and thank you so much for saving me. I'll see you tomorrow at school."

Since Remus had taken up his pen and notepad, Sirius touched his arm so that he'd look up. "Can I walk you home?"

Remus looked up from packing his stuff. He was surprised at the offer at first but he nodded in response.

Sirius was delighted that Remus had said yes, even if they couldn't really talk or get to know each other a bit more on the way. It might be nice to get to spend some more time together and get used to each others' presence during the short walk to Remus' house. If it was a short walk. Sirius had no idea where Remus lived. He went over to say goodbye to his friends and to thank Mrs. Potter for tidying him up a bit before going to grab his school bag and following Remus out of the house.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lots of hand touching.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a reminder that written notes are underlined.

Though his injuries hadn’t seemed that bad, Sirius’ left side had started hurting by the time he’d gotten home. He complained loudly and followed his mother around the house until she took him to the emergency room. Several hours later, his arm was bandaged up again and his ankle was officially sprained and he was to keep off of it as often as possible. It wasn’t bad enough that he had to use crutches, but until otherwise instructed, he was not to go to football practice.

Of course, Sirius had no intention of not going to practice, but he did as his doctor ordered and didn’t play. He’d been meeting up with his friends at football practice since, as promised, he’d been joining Remus for lunch. It’d been a few days since The Incident, and they’d been having their lunches together ever since. They were using their lunch hours to slowly start to get to know each other.

During their first lunch hour together, Remus had showed Sirius the secret old shack on the grounds that he ate in when he felt overwhelmed and needed to be alone, and they’d been going there with their food every day. Being alone in a quiet place with Remus made it easier for Sirius to focus on him without their classmates distracting him. Sirius had never really been aware of how noisy everyone was until he needed some quiet! It was hard to lip read when Sirius’ mouth was full, so they had to resort to chatting slowly, using pen and paper.

Remus had learned that Sirius' birthday was on Christmas Eve and that he lived in one of the big houses near James'. Sirius had also told Remus how his nanny, who had also been his private tutor when he was little, had been very fond of him and would give him snacks that his mother wouldn't let him have and took him and his little brother to the park. That was how Sirius and James had met. Today, Sirius was telling him about his family. He was scribbling on Remus' notepad while holding up a sandwich to his mouth.

Sirius didn't want to tell Remus about his parents because he didn't want his new friend to worry about him. He told him about his brother and how he'd always wanted one, until Regulus started caring more about what their parents thought, than siding with him a few years ago. He told him about how James was more or less his brother too, and how sweet James' mum was, and how she treated him like her second son. By the time he was done writing about the less terrible parts of his family, he'd finished half of his sandwich. He'd been writing too much. He wanted to know about Remus' family too, so he handed the notepad back.

Remus had stopped eating and had tilted his head to the side to read as Sirius wrote. He was too busy trying to follow along and was genuinely interested in Sirius' family. He wanted to ask what Sirius' parents thought that made his brother sided against him, but he wasn't sure if Sirius would want to talk about that.

Remus hesitated a little when it was his turn. There wasn't much to tell about his own family.

"I'm the only child in the family," Remus began slowly, writing neatly on his notepad. "My dad is a gardener. He goes around to tend different households’ gardens. My mum doesn't work. She stays home and takes care of me when I'm sick."

Sirius took the notepad back from Remus and read what he'd written. He wasn't sure if Remus meant that his mother stayed home because he was sick or she just happened to be home when he got sick. Did he get sick often enough to need his mother home all the time? Is that why he kept to himself? He wanted to ask, but he didn't want to upset Remus or pry into his personal life. He couldn't help but worry about his new friend, though, and curiosity and concern won out over propriety.

"Do you get sick a lot?"

Remus just remembered that he hadn't told Sirius about his illness, and that Sirius didn't know that it was what had caused him to lose his hearing. There was no going back at this point. He hoped Sirius wouldn't distance himself from Remus if he told him the truth. He took the notepad and wrote.

"Yeah… I get sick once or twice every couple of months when I'm not on medication."

Sirius would never distance himself from his new friend just because he often got sick. It wasn't like it was something he could help! But he would probably worry a lot. "Is it bad? Are you going to be all right?"

Remus was just scared that Sirius would be afraid of him infecting him, but he seemed to be worrying about him instead of trying to get away from him.

"I guess it's worse than most people. The doctor has given me various medicines to take, to try to figure out what my illness is, and to see what works and what doesn't. He hasn't diagnosed what I'm suffering from, but I think I'm fine. It's been years, after all."

Years? Sirius didn't know how to answer that or what to do. He didn't want to make it seem like he felt bad for Remus, because pity was one of the most obnoxious things to get from other people, in his opinion. And anyway, pity wasn't even what he was feeling. He was. Distressed. Distressed at the idea that his new friend had been ill for years, which was a very long time when you'd only been alive for sixteen years, and that no one seemed to know why, and that nothing could be done about it. He was also a bit distressed that someone as quiet and shy as Remus had been suffering through it alone. Words were failing him right now, something that had never happened before, so he just reached for Remus' hand and squeezed it.

Remus didn't mean to make things awkward between them. He worried for a moment and was ready to apologise when Sirius didn’t pick up the pen to write anything. His eyes widened in surprise and his hand jerked a little when Sirius cupped his hand and gave it a little squeeze. He had never really had any physical contact with anyone besides his parents, so it took him a second to register it and smile.

When Remus smiled at him, Sirius smiled back. He wasn't really used to the whole hand holding business, so he didn't know how long it was supposed to last. He let it carry on for another couple of seconds before pulling his hand back and reaching for the pen. "So what do you like to do for fun?"

Remus' life was boring when compared to Sirius’, and he was a bit embarrassed to tell him. He wrote on the notepad when Sirius passed it to him. "I don't have many hobbies. I only read."

Reading wasn't boring! Okay, maybe Sirius thought it was a little boring sometimes when he had to read stupid books for Literature, but he liked it well enough when he got to pick what he was reading. "What are you reading now?"

"Frankenstein," Remus wasn't sure if Sirius had heard of it. He would have shown him the book if he had it with him. "What about you? What do you like besides football?"

Of course Sirius had heard of Frankenstein, but he hadn't read the book, he'd just seen the movie. "I dunno. I just hang out with James and Peter a lot, at James' house." That wasn't very interesting. Sirius wished he had some hobbies or something fun to tell Remus, but he didn't want to lie to him.

Remus, who hadn’t had any friends until now, thought that it was still better than him. It must be great to have some company, especially when you needed it. "And the rest of the football team?"

"Sometimes they hang out with us too. Frank and Benjy have girlfriends, and Gideon and Fabian's mum has been overprotective of them since their older sister got married. You should come hang out sometime." Sirius wanted Remus to meet the rest of the team, but knew it would be difficult. They weren't jerks on purpose, but he knew they'd forget that Remus couldn't hear them and talk too fast or talk facing away from him, and that his new friend wouldn't be able to follow the conversation. Maybe if it was just James and Peter at first, it would be easier on everyone.

Remus wouldn't mind hanging out with the football team now that they all knew that he couldn't hear. He didn't have to hide anything from them, and as long as Sirius was there, things wouldn't get out of hand, hopefully. He nodded and wrote. "Do you have a football practice today? I will go watch you play."

Sirius took the pen from Remus and scooted over a little to write sideways on the paper. "There's practice, but I'm sitting out for a while. But we can go watch, and then hang out with the guys later." Hopefully Remus wouldn't blame himself for Sirius' injury. He'd done it himself and he'd be fine in a few days!

Remus didn't know that Sirius' injury had affected him that much. He couldn't even play football because of it! Remus bit his lip and looked apologetically at his new friend as he reached out to take Sirius' arm to inspect his injury.

It wasn't that bad! His arm had taken the worst of it, but Sirius wasn’t allowed to play until his foot was better. As far as he knew, no one but James even knew his foot was injured! He didn't want Remus to be upset about it, though, so he gently patted Remus' hand so he'd look up at him. "It wasn't your fault," he said quietly.

Remus couldn't tell how well Sirius' injury had healed as his arm was still bandaged, but Sirius could still move, so he hoped it wasn't too bad. Remus didn't know what to say when he was told that it wasn't his fault. He looked down uncertainly as he let go of Sirius' arm.

Sirius wanted to lift up Remus' chin, but he was pretty sure that was rude, so he just reached for his hand again, hoping he'd look up. Remus looked up at the light touch on his hand, still feeling a bit guilty. Sirius smiled at Remus in what he hoped was a reassuring manner. "Please don't worry about it or blame yourself. I'm fine, I promise."

Remus lip-read what Sirius said and nodded, trying to smile for him. Sirius realised he was still holding Remus' hand and let go, reaching for the pen again so Remus wouldn't have to try to read his lips. "Are you done with your lunch? We should probably get back inside."

Remus didn't mind Sirius holding his hand. He found it rather nice. He blushed slightly when he realised that Sirius had been holding his hand for a while, as he nodded in response. He packed his lunchbox swiftly and they headed back into the main school building together.


	5. Chapter 5

After their last class ended, Sirius went to find Remus and led him out onto the football field where the rest of the team was gathering. He didn't want Remus to get hit in the head again, so he led him up to the stands, to sit far enough away to watch but still be safe from stray balls.

Instead of hanging out with the football team, Sirius had been mainly devoting his attention to the quiet kid, and the team hardly had a chance to see him during break times at school. While they assumed Sirius wasn't going to turn up for practice, what with his injuries and all that, they caught him sitting the quiet kid up in the stands before running onto the field.

"You're late, Black!" James shouted at him from across the field. They didn't have much time to practice until their next match, so James would save his lecture for later. Practice was more important.

Sirius waved at James and the rest of the team, but couldn't be bothered to shout back. It wasn't like he was going to practice today anyway, and it would be nice to introduce Remus to the rest of the team after practice. Technically he wasn't even missing the day! He was going to watch Edgar fill in for him, and he knew that he'd be the one playing in that position during the game. Once James had gone back to the rest of the team, Sirius sat down on the bleachers with Remus. He pulled one of his notebooks out of his bag with a pen, so they could pass notes. "Do you know much about football?"

Remus shook his head honestly and glanced up shyly at Sirius. He wasn't really into sports, besides, he couldn't play any team sports where he might get himself hurt easily, no matter how minor the injuries were because of his condition. He hoped it wouldn't appear to be superficial for him to sit here with Sirius to watch the football practice.

It hadn’t occurred to Sirius that Remus couldn’t really play team sports. Not if he got sick a lot, anyway, because he'd miss practices and games and fall behind. Sirius thought he might have watched a bit of football, but when Remus confirmed not knowing much about it, he thought maybe he just didn't like it or care that much. "Hopefully practice won't take too long."

Remus nodded and returned his attention onto the field. He wanted to come watch the practice because he wanted to know more about Sirius. He picked up the pen and the notebook and wrote a note for Sirius after they'd watched the practice in silence for quite a while. "What position do you play?"

"Striker, up front with James." Since Remus didn't know any of his teammates or much about football, Sirius carefully drew some terrible stick figures of his friends and what positions they played on the team, writing little descriptions of what each position meant.

Remus nodded and watched patiently as Sirius explained, looking up from the notebook from time to time to check who was who playing on the field.

James looked over to the stands in the middle of the practice to see what Sirius was doing. A smile formed on his lips when he noticed how Sirius was so engrossed in the conversation with Remus and how happy he looked. James had always known that Sirius was queer, but he hadn't had the luck to find a boyfriend in his school years so far. He was really glad for his best friend that he'd found someone he seemed to like, or at least made a new friend. His train of thought was interrupted when something cold and wet hit the top of his head. The sky had turned grey when he looked up to examine, and it'd started to rain! He had to call the practice off before everyone ran into the locker room for shelter.

Shit! Sirius didn't have anything to protect himself or Remus or their things from the rain. He tried holding his bag over his head, but it was lopsided and didn't do much good. The locker room was on the other side of the field, so they were probably going to get soaked before making it over there! He groaned and made a face up at the rain clouds, giving up on the idea of staying somewhat dry. He slowly led Remus down off the bleachers which got slippery in the rain, and across the field to the safety and warmth of the locker room.

Remus panicked for a minute when it started to rain. It was a bit chilly out there and he'd get sick if he got soaked. He looked around for things that'd be able to block the rain but there wasn't anything good enough. He finally stopped fidgeting when Sirius tapped lightly on his shoulder to get his attention, telling him that they'd go to the locker room. Remus nodded and quickly gathered his things, following Sirius down the bleachers carefully and running to the other side of the field.

They were shaking by the time they got to the warmth and safety of the locker room. Sirius’ friends were already wrapped up in their towels and most of them were changing out of their wet things into sweats or clean uniforms. Sirius led Remus over to his locker and had him sit while he opened it and pulled out his towel. He wanted to give him some dry things to change into for now too, but he wasn't sure if his clothes would fit Remus.

Remus’ wet school uniform was probably making it colder than it would have been. He set his school bag aside and reached up to unbutton his shirt, taking it off.

Sirius was trying not to look, but it was hard. He grinned at Remus, wrapping his fluffy dry towel around his bare shoulders so he wouldn't be too cold. He pulled a pullover out from his locker and handed that to him too. 

It was a little bit obvious to Remus that Sirius was trying his best not to look further down his nose. He tugged at the towel to keep warm and accepted the hoodie from Sirius, mouthing thank you to him. Sirius grinned at his friend, pulling out the matching pair of tracksuit bottoms that were definitely too big for Remus and handing them to him too. He could wear his uniform until the rain stopped.

Remus got up to change into them, before sitting down and staring out of the window at the heavy rain. He hoped the rain would stop before it got dark, or his mum would worry about him.

Sirius changed into his uniform and got a towel out of the gym's supply to dry his hair a little before going over to sit with Remus. His friends came to sit with them, curious about Sirius' new friend. This was a good chance for them to get to know him! Remus looked down from the windows and smiled at Sirius' friends shyly before looking down at his lap. He didn't even know how to start a conversation with them.

Most of the football team knew that Remus was deaf. They'd all met him once before at James' house, though they hadn't got a chance to have a conversation with him. Sirius got up to go get a notebook and a pen out of his locker, so his friends could write everything down and Remus could respond to them.

There were a lot that the boys wanted to ask, but they didn't want to be offensive, so they had to choose their words carefully and avoid personal questions.

"Where do you live?"

"Do you usually walk home?"

"Do you like football? You should come play with us!"

"What do you usually do after school?"

Remus was a bit overwhelmed by the attention he was suddenly getting, though in a nice way. He felt warm on the inside that he was welcomed among a group of boys of his age. Sirius was glad that his friends were being nice to Remus. Not that they wouldn't have been, but they could be assholes sometimes without meaning to be or a bit too blunt, and he didn't want Remus to get scared off.

Remus answered each questions patiently until they ran out of basic questions. It'd surely been a while because the rain had already stopped when Remus stretched and looked out of the windows again. It was probably very late, too, and he had to go home!

It was starting to get dark outside, and Sirius was supposed to be home before dinner. By the looks of it, the rain had stopped, so Sirius got up to get his bag and his uniform. His friends looked out the window and saw that the rain had stopped, so they got up to do the same. When he'd gotten his things together, Sirius went over to Remus and gently tapped him on the arm to get his attention. "Can I walk you home?"

Remus looked up in the middle of putting away his somewhat-dry school uniform into his school bag and focused on Sirius' lips when he tapped him. He was happy that Sirius offered and didn't find it a nuisance. They didn't have much chance to talk just now and he'd love to spend some time alone with Sirius even though they wouldn't be able to talk at all on the way home. He nodded with a smile, getting up from the bench and carrying his bag over his shoulder when he was ready to go.

Sirius smiled back at Remus before leading him out of the locker room and out onto the field again. The grass was all spongy and gross under his school shoes, and he regretted not changing into his football shoes while they'd still been in the locker room, but they'd be on the street soon enough. He wished he could talk to Remus on the way home, but walking and talking would be too hard. Companionable silence was nice, though.

Remus' hair was still a bit damp and it was so chilly after the rain, that he shivered and sneezed occasionally on the way. He tucked the collar up to keep himself as warm as possible. He hoped that he wouldn't catch a cold by the end of the day.

Sirius felt terrible that Remus had gotten so wet, and looked so miserable and cold. He wished he had a coat or something to offer him, but everything he'd been wearing had gotten soaked! There wasn't really anything he could do about it now.

They walked in silence, accidentally bumping their shoulders as Remus instinctively leaned closer to Sirius for body warmth in this windy autumn day. It seemed like they'd walked for hours before they got to Remus' house. He fumbled in his satchel for his key to open the door and mouthed thank you to Sirius, hoping that he’d understand. 

Sirius managed to understand what Remus was mouthing at him, glad that he did it slowly enough so that he’d be able to catch it. He waved goodbye to Remus, waiting for him to make it into his house before heading back down the street. He never told Remus he lived in the opposite direction because he didn't want Remus to say no when he offered to walk home with him.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Signs are in italic.

When Remus hadn't shown up the next day, Sirius assumed that he'd got a cold from being out in the rain and felt a little guilty. After a week or so, he started to get worried. He knew that Remus got sick more often than most people, but did it last longer too? Did colds get really bad for him? By the end of the second week, he started panicking. Colds couldn't possibly last this long! It had to be something else. Sirius hadn't known anyone to miss two weeks of school, not even that time in second year when Gideon had broken his foot. What if Remus was dying? He had to know! And James had detention today, so it wasn't like he was going to miss practice or anything. Hopefully Remus wouldn't mind if he came to visit him. 

Remus had been resting at home in the past two weeks. He had a high temperature the night after he got soaked and was recovering since then. He’d expected it on the way home, but he kept quiet about it in hopes that he'd be well enough to go to school the next day if he'd warmed himself up once he got back home. Remus was surprised that he'd missed Sirius’ company even though he'd only really got to know him for a week. He curled up with the tracksuit Sirius lent him, which was already washed by his mum, as he rested in bed.

After school let out, Sirius went home first to leave his things, before heading over to Remus' house. He took a different path than he usually took from school, walking down a street with some shops. He wanted to get something nice for Remus, as a get well present. Flowers were too girly and what was Remus going to do with a card? There was a bakery on the corner. Maybe he'd get him something from that shop! But he didn't know what Remus liked, and he didn't even know if sick people were even supposed to eat sweets. Hopefully it would be all right.

Mrs. Lupin had been taking care of Remus at home and Mr. Lupin had come home early to bring their son medicines as his wife hadn't wanted to leave their son alone while he was ill, and he hadn't wanted to wait until the workday was over. 

The doorbell rang suddenly as Mrs. Lupin was about to bring the medicines upstairs for Remus. She continued upstairs as her husband went over to answer the door, curious about who would be visiting on a weekday afternoon. He frowned a little when he saw a lanky kid standing there, holding a box of donuts from the neighbourhood bakery. 

"Uh... Hi! You must be Remus' dad? Is he here?" Sirius wasn't usually nervous around other people's parents, but most of them didn't frown at him the second they met him. He hoped that he wasn't bothering the Lupins. He just wanted to see how his friend was doing.

The kid that was standing at the door was certainly impolite and didn't have any manners. He certainly wasn't the type of boy that Mr. Lupin would approve of. "What do you want from my son?" Remus hadn’t mentioned having some friends at school, but he could have guessed that this boy was the reason Remus had been coming home later than usual. This boy seemed to be a bit overactive as well, definitely not the kind that Mr. Lupin wanted Remus to associate with, exposing him to the dangerous outdoor environment.

Sirius wasn't sure what he'd said to offend Mr. Lupin, but he had a feeling he wouldn't get to see Remus today. "I just wanted to make sure he's all right. I haven't seen him at school for a while." It wasn't really fair of Mr. Lupin to decide that Sirius was a bad kid. He'd only said a few words to him, and he'd been more polite than he usually was with adults!

"Remus hasn't been well," Mr. Lupin stated, wondering why he was standing there instead of helping his wife take care of their son. "Now, if you don't mind, I have to excuse myself."

Sirius had opened his mouth to protest when Mr. Lupin shut the door on him. He wanted to knock again, but he supposed the Lupins were busy taking care of their son. At least now he knew what had happened to Remus. There wasn't much else he could do here, barring thumping on the door and demanding to see Remus, but he was pretty sure that would only make Remus' father more angry at him. He had no other choice but to head home.

Mrs. Lupin was helping Remus change into clean and dry pyjamas when Mr. Lupin came upstairs. "Who was that?" Mrs. Lupin asked when her husband came into the room. Remus only noticed that someone had visited from reading his mum's lips. "A young lad. Probably one of Remus' classmates." Remus gasped, which turned into a coughing fit. Mrs. Lupin quickly sat down on her son's bed to thump him on the back, holding a glass of warm water for him. Once Remus had calmed down, he asked his father in sign language if it was a tall guy with black hair. Mr. Lupin didn’t answer the question directly, arching a brow as he asked if his son knew the boy. Remus nodded and told his father that he was his new friend before looking down at his lap sadly, hands gripping the duvet. He had missed Sirius and he wanted to talk to him and tell him that he was sick and couldn't go to school.

Mr. Lupin didn't understand why Remus had to go and let this boy get close to him. He wasn't a good kid, and he didn't want him anywhere near his son. _"You have to be careful! If you let people get too close to you, they could hurt you or make you sick, and you'll get worse. Do you understand?"_ He didn't mean for this to become a lecture, but Remus had to understand that he shouldn't let strange, gangly boys follow him home from school.

Remus kept his gaze fixed on his lap as he didn't want to see what his father was signing or see how angry he was at him. Sirius was Remus' first real friend, he didn't want to pull away from him, but he wasn't going to tell his father that. When Remus didn't look up to answer him, Mr. Lupin gripped on his son's shoulders to get his attention, startling Remus a little. _"Do you understand, Remus?"_ Mr. Lupin signed each word slowly and clearly to make sure that his son would see. Remus was a bit scared, and his father's grip was so tight that it hurt a little, so he nodded, hoping that he'd let go.

Mr. Lupin leaned down to pull Remus into a tight hug for a moment, before backing away enough to sign between them. _"I just want to keep you safe. You know that, right?"_ He hoped that his son didn't think he was being cruel. He was just so young and Mr. Lupin hated seeing him so frail and in so much pain. This was for the best.

Remus nodded again and smiled sadly before looking down at his lap again. Mr. Lupin thought that was good enough, so he let go of his son and petted his head, before leaving the room to let Remus get some rest. Mrs. Lupin knew that her husband meant well, but it made her sad to see her son so upset. She’d always wished that Remus could have friends and spend time away from school with other kids, but she didn’t want to argue with her husband. They could sort all of this out when Remus was well again, but for now, he needed to focus on getting better. She kissed her son on the forehead as she helped him lie down against his pillows. Remus curled up into a ball, holding Sirius’ tracksuit close, as he tried to sleep his sadness off.


	7. Chapter 7

The following day, Sirius was back at Remus' house after school. He felt a little bit creepy, but he couldn't help but worry about his new friend, especially after his dad had sent him away. Were Remus' parents isolating him? It wasn't fair to Remus, if they were. He didn't want to think that Remus was being mistreated or anything. Maybe they were just mad that Remus had gotten sick after being in the rain. Sirius didn't want to risk being sent away or yelled at by Remus' father again, so he hung around for a while, trying to figure out if Mr. Lupin was home.

The car in the garage was gone, which meant that there was a possibility that no one was home. He waited for a few minutes, but it looked like the house was empty. He knew he must have looked suspicious and he didn’t want the neighbours to call the police on him, so he turned to leave. Mrs. Lupin came out of the house to go for grocery shopping just in time to catch Sirius as he left. She immediately recalled her husband’s and Remus' description of Remus’ new friend and worked out that the boy was probably there to visit her so. "Hello?" She approached him tentatively, taking small steps. "Are you Remus' friend?"

Sirius looked up as the front door of Remus' house opened. A woman he assumed was Remus’ mother was standing in the doorway, looking concerned. She wasn’t yelling and she didn’t seem upset to see him, so Sirius thought he might have a chance to see Remus today after all. "Yeah. My name is Sirius. Is he alright?" He wanted to complain about Mr. Lupin telling him to shove off and slamming the door in his face, but he didn't think that would win him any points with Mrs. Lupin.

"Remus has been sick, but he's recovering slowly. Do you want to come in?" Mrs. Lupin nodded and gestured at Sirius, inviting him to go into the house. She couldn't let Sirius into Remus' room, but she could at least tell Remus that his friend was here to visit him, and ask him if he wanted to pass his friend any messages.

Sirius perked up, nodding quickly as he moved to follow her back in the house. "Is he well enough for visitors? Can I see him?" He was glad that Mr. Lupin wasn't home. Mrs. Lupin seemed a lot more reasonable! Maybe she'd let him upstairs to visit with Remus for a little while. Mrs. Lupin shook her head sadly as she locked the door behind her after Sirius had gone into the house. 

"I afraid not. Please take a seat, I'll tell him that you're here." She motioned Sirius to sit down on the couch before going upstairs to Remus' room. Sirius tried to not make a face as he sat down in the living room. He was curious about why Mrs. Lupin had let him in if she had no intention of letting him see her son. At least she hadn't shouted at him and slammed a door in his face. 

Remus had his back turned to the door in bed, holding the track suit that Sirius had lent him close and sniffing in the scent as Mrs. Lupin suddenly tapped him on the shoulder. He sat up and turned around abruptly, pushing it under the blanket. He thought his mother had gone for shopping! 

Mrs. Lupin felt awful for scaring Remus like that. She pulled him into a hug before signing to tell him that he had a friend downstairs. Remus' face turned bright red as he recalled what he'd been doing. _"Is it Sirius?"_ Remus signed back to his mother, who nodded and asked him if he wanted to bring him any messages. Remus was desperate to see Sirius in person but he knew his mother wouldn't let him, or she wouldn't have asked him if he had any messages for him. He nodded disappointedly and got up to sit at his desk to write a note. 

_ "Sirius, thank you for visiting me. You must have been wondering where I've been. I'm sorry to make you worry. I'm not allowed to leave my room, though. I miss you a lot. Hope you're doing well." _

Remus folded the note neatly and gave it to his mother to bring it downstairs for Sirius. Mrs. Lupin wondered what the lump under her son's blanket was, but she didn't want to invade his privacy by making him show her. She pocketed the note before helping Remus back into bed, leaving his blankets alone as she fluffed up his pillows. When she went back downstairs, the boy was perched awkwardly on the edge of the couch, picking at the zipper of his coat. "Remus wanted me to give you something." 

Sirius got up and took the note that Remus' mother held out to him, thanking her as he unfolded it. Oh, Remus missed him. A lot, even. He wasn't sure why that pleased him so much, but it did and he felt like he was supposed to feel a little terrible about that. He carefully pocketed the note and turned back to Remus' mother, putting on his best behavior face. "Are you sure I can't see him for a moment? I promise I'm not sick or anything."

Mrs. Lupin wasn't sure if Remus had told his friend about his condition, but this boy didn't seem to get how serious Remus' illness was. "I'm sorry, I really can't. Remus gets sick easily and we're just doing our best to protect him."

Sirius was disappointed, but Mrs. Lupin was being so nice to him and it was obvious that she was just worried about Remus getting sick. "Can I write a note for him? And, uh, can I borrow a pencil?"

"Of course you can." Mrs. Lupin was glad that Sirius understood. She looked for a pencil and a piece of paper in the drawer and gave them to Sirius. Sirius folded the paper in half and did his best to use the palm of his left hand as a writing surface, hoping his handwriting would still be legible. 

_ "I'm glad to hear you haven't run away! I'm sorry for keeping you out in the rain. I’m also sorry you got so sick. I miss you too! The lads have also been asking about you. We all want you to get better soon. I'll come back tomorrow to try and get another note to you. _

_ -S" _

He wanted to ask if Remus thought he might be well enough to come back to school this week, but he didn't want Remus' mum to have to keep going up and down the stairs when she was being kind enough to let him pass a message to her son when her husband had refused. He folded the note up and handed it and the pencil to her, thanking her for taking it to Remus. "Can I come back tomorrow with another note? I can bring his assignments from school too, if you'd like." 

Mrs. Lupin nodded as she accepted the note, putting down the pencil. "Yes, sure. It's so kind of you to do this for Remus. It’d be great." 

“I’ll come around tomorrow, Mrs. Lupin. Thanks again for letting me give him that note.” Sirius smiled at her as he turned to go, waving a little as he headed back outside before she could say something else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...it's become a monthly update fic without realising it. Thanks for those who're sticking with us!


	8. Chapter 8

On his way home from Remus' house, Sirius made a quick stop at a stationery store. Hopefully if Mr. Lupin happened to be home tomorrow, he wouldn't keep a get well soon card away from his son! Especially not one that had been signed by all of his friends! Sirius picked the least floral card he could find and several colorful pens to decorate the card, hoping that his friends wouldn’t make too much of a mess of it. 

The following day at school, Sirius got his friends to sign the card and write little notes to cheer Remus up. He was delighted by how quickly they ran out of space to write. James volunteered to come with him to deliver the card and Remus' homework, as long as they could stop on the way and buy as many balloons as they could carry.

James followed Sirius into the shop and looked around curiously as Sirius picked the most colourful balloons in the shop. Once they’d bought a ridiculous amount of balloons, they left the shop and headed to Remus’ house. Remus' parents were probably going to laugh at them, looking like this. The shopkeeper’d had to secure the balloons to their wrists to make sure that they wouldn’t escape after they left the shop.

There was a car in the Lupin's driveway that hadn't been there the day before. Sirius hoped that Mr. Lupin had got over his dislike of his son's visitors, but it had only been a few days and he doubted that Mr. Lupin would be pleased to see them. With any luck, he would at least accept the balloons and the card and Remus' homework. Sirius took a deep breath and stepped forward to ring the doorbell, waiting for someone to open the door.

James squeezed his shoulder gently to reassure him. Sirius had told him about how he hadn’t had any luck in getting to see Remus so far, and how Remus’ father didn’t seem to like him. They were only going to drop off the presents and Remus’ homework, so hopefully it would be fine. 

They could hear heavy footsteps as someone came running down the stairs, but thank goodness that it was Mrs. Lupin who opened the door. She looked a bit surprised at the sight of balloons before she looked at Sirius wide-eyed, without noticing James’ presence. “Are these for Remus?”

Sirius fought the urge to tell Mrs. Lupin that the gifts were for her. It was the sort of thing he’d do with Mrs. Potter, but Mrs. Lupin didn’t know him well enough just yet. He nodded politely, trying to untie the balloons from his wrist and putting on his best good boy face, as James walked up to stand by his side, untying those on his wrists. “We thought we’d bring him his homework and something to cheer him up! Is he doing any better today?”

Mrs. Lupin was startled to see another boy behind Sirius today. She hadn’t thought he would bring anyone else, but she was very happy that Remus’ friends did so much for him. She smiled and nodded as the boys offered her the balloons they'd just untied. “Oh, I’m so sorry! Please do come in,” Mrs. Lupin said quickly, realising that she hadn’t greeted them yet. She ushered the boys in, closing the door behind her. “Remus is getting better, though, thanks. He will probably be well enough to go to school next week.” She took the balloons from James as he busily untied some more. “Are you Remus’ new friend, too?”

James nodded solemnly to Mrs. Lupin, sweeping into what he thought was a very dignified bow. "We come as a matched set, you see." Sirius laughed quietly and nudged James with his elbow. "Will you give him these? And this?" He asked, producing the card from his bag along with Remus' books and presenting them to Mrs. Lupin.

Mrs. Lupin couldn’t help but smile seeing the exchange of the boys. They were so spirited and were already brightening up her day. She really hoped that the boys would have the same influence on her son. She nodded and reached out to accept everything from Sirius, holding them close. “Sure, love. Thank you so much. I will see if Remus has anything for you.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Lupin.” Sirius and James didn’t invite themselves further into the house as she left. They stood in the front hall, examining the photographs and the pretty paintings the Lupins had decorating their walls. From the looks of it, Remus had always been a bit small and skinny, but he looked happy on his little tricycle. His father looked much happier back then too. Sirius frowned a bit at the photograph, trying to figure out how old Remus had been in the picture, when James threw his arm around him, resting his head on his shoulder. “He’ll be okay, you know? We just have to wait,” he said, giving Sirius a little squeeze. Sirius managed a weak smile, gently nudging James’ head with his own as he nodded in agreement. 

Mrs. Lupin came back downstairs a few minutes later with a note in her hand. “Remus was very happy to see the balloons and the card. We have them decorating his room.” She smiled, giving Sirius the note.

Thank you for everything. I wish I could invite you upstairs to see how they’d added colours to my room and less boring. Please help me to say thank you to everyone. I was touched reading the messages. I’m getting better and coughing less now. I will definitely be able to go to school next week. - Remus 

Sirius held the note up so that James could read it with him. He was pleased that the messages had made Remus happy and that the balloons had brightened up his room. Maybe he could get the team to write him more notes tomorrow, as long as his parents wouldn’t object. It certainly seemed easier to contact Remus when his father wasn’t in. He smiled at Mrs. Lupin as he put the note into his bag. “Thank you, Mrs. Lupin. Would we be allowed to bring him his homework tomorrow as well?”

Mrs Lupin nodded and smiled gratefully. “Of course, if it doesn’t cause you any trouble. I’m sure Remus would be happy to know that you’ve come, too.”

“It’s no trouble!” James said quickly, throwing his arm around Sirius and accidentally knocking their heads together as he pulled him close. Sirius shoved James away, laughing a bit as he reached up to rub his head. “Yeah, we’d be happy to come back!” 

Mrs Lupin couldn’t help but laugh at the silly boys. “Thank you. I’ll make sure to bake some cookies for you to take home.” She really wanted to invite the boys in for a cup of tea, especially that they’d been so kind to Remus. It wouldn’t be very helpful if they couldn’t see Remus, though, so she gave up on the thought. She followed the boys down the hall to walk them out, standing in the doorway as she watched them head up the street.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas!! Christmas update yayyyyy!  
> Sorry for the long wait we've been very very busy in the past months. It'll get better in January, though! Hopefully we'll resume our monthly update!
> 
> P.S. There will also be a boxing day update!


	9. Chapter 9

James and Sirius had tried to make plans on their walk home, things that they could bring to Remus to cheer him up while he got better, but their plans just got sillier and sillier. During their tutor group, the following week, they tried to sort through their ideas, tossing out ones like bringing him a pair of roller skates and keeping ones like bringing him postcards of places that would be fun to visit together one day, until Benjy suddenly shouted across the room to get their attention. “Hey! Lupin’s back!”

They turned around at the same time, looking to see if Benjy was telling the truth. When he saw Remus standing there, Sirius hopped up from his chair, banging his knee on the desk as he hurried over to the door. Remus was glad to be back at school, probably for the first time in his life. It was overwhelming, but in a nice way, to be surrounded by his classmates, who were there to welcome him back. Remus’ parents had made him sound so frail, so Sirius was afraid to get too close. From a safe distance, he grinned at him, sticking his hands in his pockets so he wouldn’t try to smother him in a hug. “Welcome back, Remus!”

Remus lip-read what Sirius said and smiled gratefully. He noticed that Sirius was probably trying to restrain himself from hugging him with his hands in his pocket, so he took a brave step forward and gave him a hug to let him know how pleased he was to see him. Sirius froze for a moment, shocked that Remus had been the one to hug him first. He had a tendency to be overly affectionate with his friends, but Remus had always been rather reserved and he hadn’t wanted to scare him. His face broke out into a wide smile as he wrapped his arms around Remus, trying to be careful as he gave him a tight hug. 

James and the other football team members that were in their class cheered for them. James patted Sirius on the back to remind him to let go and not to suffocate Remus when the hug lasted for a bit too long. Sirius pretended to huff at James, turning so that he was hiding Remus from their friends. He just liked hugs! But he knew Remus was not as used to him being overly affectionate as James and Peter, and he didn’t want to make him uncomfortable. He let go of Remus and carefully smoothed the wrinkles out of his sweater.

Remus laughed silently as Sirius fixed his clothes. He didn’t mind him being affectionate with him! It was rather...nice. Their friends were significantly more restrained as they welcomed Remus back to class. They only had a few minutes before the teacher came in, motioning for them to sit down so she could take attendance. 

As much as Remus wanted to spend more time with Sirius and sit next to him, he had to lip read what the teachers were saying, meaning that he had to sit at the front. He smiled weakly at Sirius before going back to his seat. He didn’t have anyone to sit next to him to help him in class as all his classmates avoided him, thinking that he was a weirdo before he'd ever made friends with the most popular guys in class. 

Sirius had never really noticed that Remus sat alone in their classes. He knew he had to sit in the front so he could see better and try to read the teachers’ lips, but in their other classes, the front row was full of nerds, like James’s darling Lily Evans and tryhards, like that tosser, Snape. Since there was no work to be done in this block, the front row was empty except Remus. Sirius went to the seat he’d been at with James and grabbed his bag before going over to plop down in the seat next to Remus. 

Remus turned to see who it was when he caught someone sitting down next to him out of the corner of his eye. He opened his mouth a little in surprise before closing it and turning it into a smile as soon as he saw that it was Sirius. He was happy that Sirius wanted to sit next to him as well! Sirius grinned back at Remus, pulling out a small notebook so they could pass notes easily when the tutor wasn’t looking. James had also grabbed his things and come from the back of the class to drop in the seat behind Sirius. The tutor told them to sit quietly while she took attendance, so the rest of the football team had to stay put.

After the tutor had taken the attendance, everyone packed their bags and left for their first class. Remus mouthed thank you at Sirius although he didn’t have to help him and picked up his bag to leave for the English corridor with his friends. Sirius followed Remus down the corridor with the rest of their friends, listening to their conversation, but not taking part. He didn’t want Remus to feel left out. And anyway, he didn’t really have any input on whether or not that McKinnon girl was going to be able to tell the Prewetts apart. She was a smart girl, she’d probably figure it out sooner or later. When they got to Lit, Sirius had to go sit in the back with James. He’d been planning on sitting in the front to help Remus with his notes, but Evans and Snivellus had beaten them to class and were already hogging those seats. 

Remus was grateful that Sirius and James wanted to help him during class but it was all right even if they couldn’t. He’d been managing it for years after all, even though it took a bit of effort. His classmates didn’t really communicate with him, and Remus was too shy to borrow anyone else’s notes. The class settled down when the teacher came in, taking their books out. 

Since he’d been taking notes for Remus while he’d been sick, Sirius’ note taking abilities had improved a great deal, mostly since he was actually paying attention in class now instead of trying to flick pieces of paper into Snivellus’ dirty hair. Now that Remus was back, he was still taking notes, but he found his eyes drawn to his friend, frowning slightly as he watched him looking more and more frustrated as he tried taking his own notes. 

Remus eventually put down his pen and buried his head in his book halfway through class, making Sirius worry even more. When class was over, Remus shoved his books into his bag with unnecessary force and got up, waiting for his friends at front. Sirius went up to the front to go get Remus, smiling weakly at him as he held out the notes he’d been taking. “Are you all right?” 

Remus smiled sadly at Sirius in return, taking the offered notes as he mouthed thanks and shrugged. He wasn’t all right, but he was used to it. Sirius was barely able to hide his outrage on Remus’ behalf. It all seemed so unfair! It was hard enough in class without having to struggle with not being able to understand the teacher. Unfortunately, there wasn’t much he could do about it, and Remus probably wouldn’t appreciate him causing trouble. He let out a sigh, motioning for Remus to come with him as he left the class to join their friends. 

Remus fell behind the group as they walked to the science corridor for their next class. He was taking Biology instead of Chemistry with Sirius. He smiled and waved goodbye at Sirius when they reached the Chemistry classroom, but Sirius had been planning on walking Remus to class, so he hurried to catch him, linking arms with him as he followed him to the Biology lab. 

Remus jumped and turned around when Sirius suddenly linked his arms with his arms from behind. His expression quickly softened and smiled at the other, knowing that it was only him. “Don’t you have class?” He mouthed, hoping that Sirius would get it.

Sirius didn’t quite get what Remus was saying, but he knew what he meant. He grinned at his friend, nodding a little as he kept walking at his side. “I’m just walking you to class. Your teacher won’t let me stay.”

Remus suddenly felt a bit giddy because Sirius didn’t have to do that and he liked how the other took care of him. He nodded and ducked his head down to hide the blush on his face and walked silently with Sirius.

The Biology classroom was only a few doors down from the Chemistry classroom. Sirius didn’t leave until he was sure that Remus was safely at his desk in the front, waving at him from the doorway until the teacher shooed him away. He ran back down the corridor to his own class and slipped into his seat before the teacher noticed that he’d barely made it to class on time.

The guys on the football team grinned knowingly at Sirius when he made his way to his bench. James sniggered and elbowed Sirius lightly on the side when he plopped down next to him. James knew that Sirius probably hadn’t realised it, but he was always overprotective when it came to Remus. 

Caradoc, who was sitting on the bench behind them with Benjy, drew a dog on a piece of paper and crumpled it up into ball, aiming it at the back of Sirius’ head. Sirius tried to reach back without turning around to smack Caradoc on the hand when the paper hit him, but after spending 5 years in classes together, Caradoc had learned to avoid keeping his hands on the desk. James picked up the paper and uncrumpled it, showing it to Sirius, who turned around and made a face at his friends. 

“Did Remus really need a guard dog to walk down two doors?” Caradoc hissed when Sirius turned back. Sirius crumpled the paper back up and tossed it back in Caradoc’s face. “Yes. Fuck off,” he snapped back, making Caradoc laugh. 

Slughorn noticed that the boys weren’t listening, so he cleared his throat to get their attention. “Now, now, concentrate, Mr. Black, Mr. Dearborn.” James yanked Sirius by the shoulder to make him turn around, to keep him from getting in trouble this early in the week. He was fairly sure that Caradoc was only teasing Sirius a bit, but he’d try to keep them away from each other if they started getting too aggressive. They both had nasty tempers and he’d seen a playful fight degenerate into a real one more than once. Caradoc shrugged with the corners of his lips tugged upward when Sirius turned back, twirling his pen between his fingers as he try to focus on the class for real. 

Chemistry dragged on for what felt like hours, since Sirius didn’t have anything to do other than sort of pay attention. James spent the hour admiring Lily Evans from afar, ignoring Sirius’ attempts to get his attention. Caradoc had started kicking the back of Sirius’ chair, but he’d retaliate later when he wouldn’t get in trouble for it. As soon as class had ended, Sirius gathered his things and hurried from the room, ignoring James’ protests since James had been ignoring him. He wanted to collect Remus from Bio so he’d join them for lunch in the cafeteria.

Sprout had got so overly enthusiastic in Biology, that she got sidetracked and didn’t realize what time it was until the bell rang. She spent the next few minutes quickly wrapping up the class before letting them go. She always made Remus stay behind for a bit to go over his notes, to make sure that he understood the class as other students hurried out of the classroom. When Remus was finally being let out, he was surprised to find that Sirius was waiting for him outside the classroom. He beamed at him as he joined him, walking to the cafeteria together to buy lunch.

Sirius grinned back at Remus, delighted that he was able to make him look that happy. He led him into the cafeteria, wondering whether or not they should get in the salad queue instead of the hot food queue so they could spend less time waiting. He gently tapped Remus on the arm and waited until Remus was looking at him to speak. “What do you want to get?”

Remus preferred hot food, as it was more settling and it warmed his tummy. Sirius could get salad, though, if he wanted to. Remus pointed at the hot food before pulling out a notepad and pen from the side of his bag when gestures failed him. “You don’t have to queue with me if you want to get salad.” But Sirius was thrilled that Remus didn’t want a salad. He would never willingly eat salad unless he was in a rush, after spending most of his childhood being force fed salads before he was allowed to start eating anything else. He shook his head, motioning for Remus to follow him to the hot food queue. 

The rest of the football team who left the class on time had already found themselves a table and were eating. They’d saved seats for Sirius and Remus, of course, even though Remus had never eaten with them before. They queued and each picked up a tray and a plate when it was almost their turn. Sirius piled his plate with the chicken and potatoes, making sure to ignore the vegetables. The lunch ladies, who’d known him and James personally since that glorious prank in their first year here, wouldn’t let him get his dessert on days when he hadn’t got a piece of fruit the day before. Luckily he _had_ thought to get a banana the last time he’d been in the cafeteria on Friday, so he was free to take a brownie without being scolded! 

As opposed to Sirius, the kitchen ladies didn’t recognise Remus as he was absent most of the time. Although Remus didn’t like speaking, he’d smile at the kitchen ladies when he was served. It had Remus’ favourite lasagna on the menu today. Seeing how pale and thin Remus was, the kitchen lady gave him a big portion in addition to some vegetables. Sirius was glad to see the lunch lady doting on Remus. Perhaps he had a reputation with her as well, though his probably wasn’t terrible or anything. He thanked her for their lunches and she smiled at them as she waved them off.

Gideon watched as they left the queue with their food, frowning slightly when it looked like Sirius was going to follow Remus out of the cafeteria again. “Oi, Black! Where are you two going? Come sit with us!” Sirius wasn’t quite sure how to get Remus’ attention without elbowing him, so he stopped at the nearest table and put his plate down, hoping that Remus would notice that he wasn’t following him anymore. When Remus didn’t look back, Sirius chased after him, putting his hand on his arm to get his attention. 

The touch was gentle enough that it didn’t startle Remus. He turned around and was a bit confused when he found that the tray that Sirius was carrying was gone. Sirius motioned back towards the table where their friends were sitting without turning away from Remus. “They want us to sit with them.” Remus peered behind Sirius to look over at the table and saw Fabian standing up, waving at him. He was too shy to have lunch with Sirius’ friends but he’d got to know the football team a bit more since then, he guessed if the guys didn’t mind, he should give it a try. He nodded in response and smiled at Sirius.

Sirius led Remus back to the table to grab his tray before joining their friends. They made room for them between James and Fabian towards the middle of the table, knowing that Remus wouldn’t be able to participate in their conversation from the end of the table. Sirius plopped down in the chair besides James, taking a small notebook and a pencil out of his bag. 

Remus felt shy and welcomed at the same time that they gave him a seat at the middle. His face turned a little red and he tried to focus on the food in front of him, when he suddenly became very aware of his surroundings and how he had the attention of others. They watched him for a moment, wondering why he was refusing to look at them, before going back to their conversations. Sirius picked up his pencil and the notebook, scribbling a note for Remus.

Are you all right?

Remus read at the note when it was passed to him. He nodded, still refusing to look up as he picked up the pencil nervously and wrote.

I’m just not used to being the centre of attention.

It was fairly obvious that Remus wasn’t really all right. He was so uncomfortable that he would not look away from his food. Sirius felt terrible about asking him to sit at the table with so many people he didn’t know. He smiled sadly, taking the pencil back.

Let’s go finish our lunches outside?

Shocked at the message, Remus eventually looked up and shook his head. Sirius had mistaken him. He did want to spend time with his friends, even though he wouldn’t be able to interact with them. He took the pencil and scribble on the notebook. I mean I’m just shy…

Sirius read the note, chewing on his lip as he tried to figure out what to write back. He knew Remus was shy, but he just looked so uncomfortable, refusing to look at anyone. He hadn’t meant that he didn’t want Remus to be friends with his friends, though. He just thought Remus wouldn’t tell him if he wanted to leave, so he was offering him a way out. Since he couldn’t think of anything to write back, he just nodded, smiling weakly. 

James had put himself between Caradoc and Sirius on purpose, but it didn’t seem to stop Caradoc from trying to provoke Sirius. "Listen. Stop making eyes at each other, you only have 15 minutes left to eat."

It would have been…. childish... to throw food at Caradoc, but that didn’t mean that Sirius didn’t _want_ to. He resisted the temptation to do so, not wanting to further upset Remus, instead choosing to offer Remus the brownie that had come with his lunch.

As much as Remus liked sweets and puddings, he didn’t want to take Sirius’. He had his own brownie and he was happy with what he got. He shook his head slightly and mouthed thank you at Sirius before he gave it back and started on his lunch.

“Striking out left and right, aren’t you, Black?” Caradoc asked, hoping his taunts would actually work. Sirius was sort of boring when he wouldn’t argue with him. Unfortunately for him, Sirius just looked a bit dejected, setting the brownie down. It seemed that it only registered that Caradoc had spoken a moment later when Sirius looked over at him and frowned.

Benjy honestly didn’t know what’d gotten into his best friend today. He was being meaner than usual. He kicked Caradoc under the table and frowned at him. “Can we please just eat in peace?” 

It wasn’t any fun when Sirius wasn’t fighting back, and it was even less fun when Benjy and the others started getting annoyed at him too. Caradoc held his hands up in defeat and went back to his lunch. James had no idea what had gotten into everyone today, but he didn’t like it. They needed to discuss strategy for the upcoming game! It was rare that he could get all of them at the table for lunch, and since they were all here now, and he needed to distract them from this stupid fight they were having, they were going to plan, whether they liked it or not. 

Some of them protested as they still hadn’t finished lunch, yet they all scooted closer anyway to look at the plan that James had started to draw. Remus ate quietly as the football team pored over the piece of paper that James had torn off from Sirius’ note book. He felt a bit left out but he guessed he had to get used to it if he was going to hang out with the team. 

Sirius did his best to focus on what James was saying, but he felt guilty that Remus couldn’t take part in the conversation. He turned to him, gently nudging him with his arm and smiling as he reached for the notebook. I hope James’ football lecture doesn’t take too long.

Remus could see that James was drawing a field with little people and arrows on the piece of paper, so he’d figured out that they were probably coming up with strategies. He read Sirius’ note and smiled, taking the pen and wrote. When’s the next game?

Next Saturday! I’m supposed to start, if I don’t get hurt between now and then. Will you come watch? It was nice to see Remus smiling again instead of looking so nervous. Sirius was still listening to James, but he kept his eyes on Remus and the notes that they were passing instead. If James noticed, he didn’t say anything about his apparent lack of interest in their strategy meeting.

I’d like to. Remus wrote back and nodded. He’d never seen Sirius played for real before! He wanted to cheer for him even only by his mere presence. Sirius was pleased that Remus wanted to come see their game, even though he didn’t seem to understand the game. He grinned widely at him, gently nudging him with his shoulder before picking up the pencil. I’m glad!

James had finished by now, wrapping up this brief lunch meeting. He kicked Sirius lightly under the table and grinned at him before getting up to return the tray. He knew that Sirius was just trying his best to include Remus, so he didn't blame him for not listening. "I'll talk to you later." Sirius shot James a grin, swatting at him since he couldn’t kick him. He hadn’t realised that lunch was practically over already. He grabbed the pencil and quickly scribbled Can I walk you to your next class? as he grabbed his tray with his free hand.

Remus was busy packing his things when Sirius wrote him the note. He nodded and smiled, getting up to follow Sirius to return their trays. They had geography together after lunch, and their friends had waited by the door for them to catch up, so they could all walk to class together.


	10. Chapter 10

By the time the weekend arrived, the football team was ready. They'd been doing extra long practices and had been following James' strict orders since their lunchtime meeting. As they walked onto the field to face their opponents, Sirius looked up and scanned the crowd. Remus had not been allowed to attend any more of their practices, so Sirius was fairly sure that he certainly wouldn't be able to attend the game, but he was still hopeful that his friend might show up. It was too bright to tell from where he was standing, though, and the game was about to begin.  
  
Remus’ parents wanted him to be home right after school, especially during his first week back to make sure that his immune system would strengthen first. Knowing that it was for his own sake, Remus obeyed them and didn’t argue.  Sirius was playing today, though, and Remus had to cheer for his friend!  Thankfully, the weather was nice today, so Remus’ parents didn’t stop him when he told them that he was going to the school library for the day.  
  
The game started well enough. James took control of the ball, passing it back and forth with his teammates. The other team's defence was pretty good, though, and they didn't have a chance to take a shot before the ball was taken from them. The first half continued like this, back and forth with no one scoring, until the whistle was blown. James summoned the team over to the side, looking like he didn’t know whether to be annoyed that they hadn’t scored or glad that the other team hadn’t gotten one in.  
  
Remus took the opportunity to come down from the stands as soon as the referee called for halftime and came to the front to try to catch Sirius’ attention, even though they were separated by the fence. He hovered around while James talked to the team and waved at them once James had dismissed them. The players waved to Remus as they went back onto the field, glad that their new friend had come to support them, but they couldn’t talk now. They had to get ready for the second half! Sirius broke away from his teammates to go say hi, though. He honestly hadn’t expected to see Remus at the game, knowing how his father was overprotective.  
  
Hands holding tight onto the fence, Remus’ face lit up when Sirius approached him.  He didn’t think Sirius would come talk to him as he had to focus on the game!  He hastily dug into his satchel for his pen and notebook, but only realising then that he didn’t have them with him. He looked up desperately instead, opening his mouth as if he was going to say something.  
  
It was enough that Remus was there. Sirius didn’t have much time anyway, and he was just glad to have his support. He grinned at Remus, sticking his fingers through the links in the fence to rest on top of Remus’ fingers as he gave them a light squeeze. “Thank you for coming to the game.”  
  
Remus jerked a little at the unexpected contact before smiling broadly once he’d registered the situation. He nodded and mouthed ‘good luck’ at Sirius, not sure if he’d get it. He seemed to, though, when he nodded happily before letting go and hurrying to catch up with the rest of his team.  
  
It seemed like Remus’ presence was giving Sirius renewed energy, or at the very least, a reason to want to show off a bit. James would just have to make sure that Remus was at all of their games, if Sirius was going to play better. For once, Sirius being a show off was working in their favour! Remus didn’t go back to his seat, sitting down in the front row after Sirius had returned to the field, and watching the game at a close distance. He still wasn’t entirely sure of the rules, but he found it very exciting to watch and was absorbed into the game.  
  
Sirius managed to score within a few minutes, but the other team took advantage of their celebration and scored almost immediately after. The game grew more intense after that, each team doing their best to get away with dirtier tactics, but no one scoring. It looked as though the game would end in a tie until James made an amazing pass to Gideon who shot it straight into the goal.  
  
The supporters of the team all jumped up from their seats and hugged each other as they cheered when the team scored. Remus was so happy that he also stood up immediately to clap. The team was all crowding around Gideon, trying to figure out whether hugging him or lifting him into the air was more important. In the end, it didn’t matter. The director of the tournament came onto the field and tried to sort them out before announcing that their team would move forward in the competition. The spectators were so happy that they started running onto the field to join in the group hug. Remus couldn’t, though, afraid of tripping over and hurting himself.  He got up to the fence again, watching everyone as they celebrated.  
  
When the crowd finally dispersed, the team made their way back to the locker room to clean up. Sirius had seen Remus waiting by the fence, so he broke away from his friends and hurried over to ask him to wait for them.  He went through the gate and leaned against the fence next to Remus, grinning at him. “How’d we do?”  
  
Remus gave Sirius a thumbs up and reached up to pinch his nose, biting his lip as he shook with silent laughter. He didn’t want to be rude, but Sirius could use a shower.  He turned his friend around, pushing him in the direction his teammates were going. Sirius laughed, turning to make a face at Remus as he was shoved away. He knew that he needed a shower, he just didn’t want his friend to leave yet. “Wait for me?”    
  
Remus thought that Sirius would be too tired to hang out after the game, so he’d been planning on going home afterwards. He beamed at the prospect when Sirius asked him to stay.  He nodded and sat back down on the bench as he watched Sirius head off to the locker room.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A victory and a victory party!

Over the years, it had become something of a tradition for James to have a party after winning football matches during the league's championship. Everyone from the team and their supporters from their class were always welcome, of course, but since this was Remus' first time at a match, Sirius assumed he didn't know about the party. Since he'd come to cheer for them, it was only right to invite him too. Hopefully Remus would still be waiting when Sirius was done with his shower. With any luck, if his parents had let him come to the game, they'd let him go to a party for a little while. Sirius showered quickly and found James, telling him where he was going as they changed into fresh clothes. He couldn't have taken more than fifteen minutes to do all that, but the stands were empty, save for Remus, when he rushed back out to find his friend. 

It started to get chilly outside as the audience left the stands. Remus wasn’t going anywhere, knowing that Sirius would come get him as soon as he could. He clutched tight at his coat to bundle himself up in it, shivering in the wind. Sirius came out of the locker room a few minutes later, hurrying over to join Remus. He’d taken longer than he meant to and now Remus was shaking a little, so he smiled apologetically and pulled his leather jacket off, gently draping over Remus’ shoulders. 

Remus blushed a little and tugged the jacket close instinctively. It smelled like Sirius and Remus wanted to keep it on, but Sirius would be cold if he’d lent it to him. He shook his head out of courtesy and glanced up at the taller boy to see if he wanted it back. Sirius just smiled and shook his head right back, gently tugging the jacket closed around Remus. “It’s okay. I wanted to know if you wanted to come with me to James’ house. He’s having a party for the team.” 

It was difficult for Remus to follow along with Sirius speaking so quickly, so he could only make out ‘it’s okay’ and got lost afterwards. He bit on his lip and looked confused, didn’t know how to ask Sirius to repeat it. Sirius was awkwardly gnawing on the inside of his cheek as he waited for an answer, not realising that Remus hadn’t understood him until a moment later. His eyes went wide as he dug around in his pockets, looking for something to write on. 

Remus felt stupid for forgetting his notebook and pen, especially that they were necessary in his daily life and that he couldn’t communicate with people without them. When Sirius couldn’t find anything , he reached for Remus’ hand, tracing “P-A-R-T-Y” on the palm of his hand with the tip of his finger. Remus blushed a little and his hand jerked in reflex when Sirius suddenly took his hand but it cleared his confusion as soon as the other started to write. He looked up and smiled at Sirius, nodding, thinking that it wouldn’t hurt to attend the party for a little while. He had never been to any party before, after all. He’d love to know what it was like.

Sirius grinned when Remus agreed to come, gently squeezing his hand before letting go. “Come on, then. We don’t want to be late.” He motioned for Remus to follow him, heading down towards the street to walk to James’ house. 

The party had just started by the time they arrived. The music had been turned up and it was so loud that even Remus could feel the vibration when he walked into the house. In the middle of welcoming his guests, James spotted Remus and Sirius, and he pushed through the crowd immediately to go welcome them, punching Sirius playfully on the arm. He led them to the counter in the middle of the room with food set on it and told them to help themselves before going back to greet the rest of his guests. 

Mrs. Potter had outdone herself this time. She'd filled the counter with pastries and homemade sweets to go with all the junk food James must have got from the store. Sirius picked up a chocolate pastry and gave it to Remus before grabbing a cookie for himself. Remus wasn’t sure if Sirius remembered his favourite or that it was only a coincidence. Either way, he happily accepted it. He smiled at the other boy before taking a small bite, careful not to make a mess. Mrs. Potter was very good at baking in Remus' opinion. The pastry was as good as the ones his mother got from the bakery! Sirius had stuffed the whole cookie in his mouth and was trying to wash it down with his drink. He grinned at Remus while his mouth was full, admiring his restraint when it came to eating Mrs. Potter’s cooking. In fact, the whole football team was trying to hoard as many snacks as they could manage to carry. Mrs. Potter laughed at the sight. Having anticipated that the team would be hungry after the match, she’d made more than enough for everyone. “Slow down and don’t choke, all right? There’re tons!” She told the boys, picking some cakes and pastries and piling them on a plate before walking over to where Sirius and Remus were. “Here, Re-...” She wanted to feed Sirius’ new friend more, especially that he looked so skinny, yet she couldn’t recall his name.

"Remus!" Sirius smiled at her, glad that she was trying to include their new friend. She'd always been wonderful about mothering the whole team and any of their friends who came to her house. 

Mrs. Potter nodded when Sirius reminded her of the new friend’s name, offering the plate to the pair of them. "Remus, would you like some?"

Remus focused on Mrs. Potter’s lips and smiled a little as he nodded, reaching out for a cookie. Sirius took one as well, thanking Mrs. Potter as she left the plate with them, heading off to tend to the other guests. Sirius grabbed a paper plate and piled on some cookies, before leading Remus away. They toured the house together, with Sirius stopping to show Remus things around the house. He started with the rooms he didn’t care about first, the entrance hall bathroom, Mr. Potter’s study, etc., before leading Remus upstairs to the good rooms. He’d taken care to avoid James’ trophy room, as he didn’t want James to be more impressive than he was. What he really wanted to show Remus was upstairs at the end of the hall. The Potters had a really nice library with all these old fancy books that he thought Remus might like. 

From the way how Sirius showed Remus around as if it was his own, Remus could tell that Sirius was really close with James and his family. He was amazed at the sight of the rows of shelves that were standing in front of him as Sirius opened the door. He walked into the library gingerly as though he'd disturb someone in there, lifting his head up to look at the books on the shelves. Sirius followed Remus into the library, watching him. He gently tapped his arm, motioning for him to follow him further into the room. It had been ages since he’d been in here, but if nothing had changed since the last time he’d been in, there was a collection of old storybooks with pretty art by the big sofa near the window. Remus followed Sirius to that part of the library, curious about what Sirius wanted to show him. Everything looked the same except the furthest shelf which had bigger books on them. He pulled one out and his face lit up at the colourful illustration on the front cover, flipping through the pages.

Sirius inhaled sharply through his nose, shocked that Remus had found the very book he wanted to show him before he’d got a chance to pull it out himself. Since he was preoccupied with his favourite, Sirius picked out his second favorite, gently tapping Remus’ arm so that he’d join him on the couch. These were his favorite books when he was younger, the first ones that Mrs. Potter had read to him when he’d first been welcomed into the Potter house, and he’d always loved hearing them aloud. He knew he couldn’t read them aloud for Remus, but maybe they could read their books together for a while. Remus was curious about the second book Sirius had picked out from the shelf. He plopped down on the couch, tilting his head to the side to try to read the title of the story book that Sirius was holding. Sirius sat down beside Remus, opening the book and holding it between them, so that Remus could see the title without straining his head. After flipping through a few pages, Remus looked up and tried to tell Sirius something by mouthing at him. “My mum used to read me at bedtime when I was little,” he mouthed it exaggeratedly and went as slowly as possible for Sirius to understand. 

Sirius frowned a little as he focused on Remus’ mouth, only catching a few words and feeling awful about it. How on earth did Remus get through his classes by lip reading alone? He shook his head slightly, motioning for Remus to repeat what he’d said, concentrating harder on Remus’ mouth. Remus was a bit nervous, as he hadn’t spoken in such a long time that he didn’t even know if he’d mouthed the words correctly. He went slower, trying not to let his embarrassment overtake him as he repeated the sentence. Sirius felt terrible for not being able to understand Remus, but he had no talent at all for reading lips. He shook his head slowly, feeling incredibly guilty about not being able to understand what his friend was trying to tell him. Remus started to panic a little when Sirius still didn’t get it. He broke the sentence up, putting emphasis on the keywords. “My mum. Used to. Read Me.”

It wasn’t until Remus broke the sentence up that Sirius caught more of what he wanted to say, but even then, he only managed to understand “mum read me.” It was frustrating that he couldn’t understand more, but he more or less got what Remus wanted to say. He smiled at his friend, nodding to show that he understood. Remus let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding and his shoulders slumped in relief as he nodded and smiled in return.

Sirius watched Remus as he started to read again, feeling a bit stupid for bringing him up here. He’d wanted to share his favorite room in the Potter house, but they couldn’t really talk since neither of them had paper, so the only thing left was to read quietly, sitting next to each other, and Sirius was _awful_ at being quiet. He sighed, closing his eyes and resting his head on Remus’ shoulder without thinking. 

Remus jumped a little when he felt the weight on his shoulder, only turning to find out that it was Sirius. A blush spread across his face as he remained still, returning his attention back to the book, not wanting to disturb his friend in case he wanted to rest. Sirius jerked himself upright again when Remus flinched, feeling his ears burning. James might have been used to him being overly affectionate and using him as a pillow, but Remus was not and the last thing that Sirius wanted was for Remus to be uncomfortable around him. He glanced over at Remus, who was staring back at him with his eyes widened and his face equally red. Sirius smiled weakly at Remus, flapping his hand a little as he tried to come up with an apology for making him uncomfortable that didn’t sound completely stupid. When he couldn’t think of anything, he dropped his hand back to his lap. “Do you want to go back to the party?” 

Not knowing how to escape from this embarrassing situation, Remus nodded and closed his book, getting up from the couch abruptly and dropping the book on the ground. Sirius bent down to pick the book up to put it on the coffee table, but he felt Remus’ hand on his when he was about to put it down. “Can I take it out of the library?” Accompanied with hand gestures, Remus mouthed at Sirius slowly. The book wasn’t thick enough that he had to take home to read. He’d return it immediately after he’d finished reading at the party. Sirius nodded, assuming that Remus wanted to take the book home. He sighed, motioning for Remus to follow him back downstairs, feeling terrible about making things weird between them.

Just as James wondered where Sirius and Remus were, he spotted them coming down from upstairs. He thought Sirius had brought Remus upstairs to show him around, but by the looks of it, with Sirius looking all flustered and Remus embarrassed, he knew that something must have happened. All he really hoped was that Sirius hadn’t made a move on Remus yet, before confirming if Remus was into guys or not. 

Sirius had not done anything except embarrass the both of them and he wasn't planning on doing anything like that again. He hadn't seen James, and he'd been a terrible host and hadn't made sure Remus had had something to eat, so he was going to attempt to lead him to the kitchen, to get some snacks without fighting through the crowd of people at the party.

Remus followed Sirius to the kitchen, pulling out a tall stool at the counter and climbing onto it. Not knowing what Sirius’ plan was, though he was fairly certain that they weren’t going to join the others, Remus set the story book on the counter after settling down, picking up a cookie on the plate in front of him to nibble on it as he read. 

After observing how uncomfortable his friends seemed, James decided that that he’d break the ice for them, or if not, he could at least ask Sirius what happened and try to figure out something for him. He pushed through the crowd and into the kitchen, beaming at Remus who smiled weakly at him in greeting and went straight up to Sirius, who was looking for cold drinks in the refrigerator. “Hey, is everything all right?” 

Sirius nodded quickly, his lips pressed tightly together. His eyes were too wide and he looked mildly panicked about something, but James couldn’t tell why. Remus, on the other hand, seemed more or less all right, so at least Sirius probably hadn’t made any untoward advances towards their friend. It didn’t really look like James was going to get any answers out of his best friend right now, so he just thumped him on the back, resting his head on his shoulder to try to get him to ease up a little. Physical affection had always been a surefire way to make Sirius more comfortable and today was no different. James could feel Sirius relaxing a little, flopping his head over to rest against his own. 

Remus had turned around to watch them when James went up to Sirius. It was then he realised that being affectionate with Sirius seemed to be a normal occurrence among his friends and there was nothing to be embarrassed about. He smiled a little and hopped off the tall stool, going over to Sirius to give him gentle squeeze on the arm in apology. Sirius lifted his head up from James’ shoulder, glancing over at Remus. He didn’t look so tense anymore, but Sirius had no idea what had changed. It was all right, though. Sirius was just glad that Remus wasn’t upset with him after all. 

After Remus had got Sirius’ attention, he mouthed ‘sorry’ at him and gave him a firmer squeeze on the arm. Sirius’ eyes went wide as Remus apologised to him. He shook his head, flapping his hands a little as he tried to apologise to his friend. Remus hadn’t been the one to make things weird. It was all his fault and he hadn’t meant to freak him out like that! James watched his friends curiously, glad that the tension had diffused between them. He took turns fluffing their hair, throwing his arms over their shoulders to pull them in for a group hug. 

After releasing his friends, James went back to the party to snatch a few snacks for his friends and sat with them in the kitchen until it got late and the last of his guests left. Sirius let out a heavy sigh as he got up as well, wishing that the Potters’ home was his home as well and he didn’t have to leave. Remus hadn’t known about the party after the game and only realised that he hadn’t informed his parents as to his whereabouts when he had a moment to quiet down. He looked out of the windows to see how dark it was and fidgeted. Sirius watched Remus, wondering why he looked so anxious. It took him a moment to remember that he hadn’t really given Remus a chance to ask his parents if he could come to the party and that his father was strict and didn’t like him very much. He tapped Remus gently on the shoulder to get his attention, smiling sheepishly at his friend. “Can I walk you home?” 

Before Remus could give any response, James elbowed Sirius on the side not so gently and frowned at him. “I’m surprised that Remus is kind enough to still consider you a friend. Watch me.” He pointed at Remus before pointing at Sirius, walking his fingers on the kitchen counter, using both hands to show them walking home together. It wasn’t really sign language, but Remus understood it and appreciated James’ attempt. He couldn’t help but chuckle quietly as he nodded. Sirius was mildly offended by James’ teasing but he was willing to overlook it because he’d made Remus laugh. “Yeah? Let’s go then!” He held out his arm for his friend, who took it gladly and left the house together with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your patience and support. We're so sorry for taking so long to update! Real life got in the way, but we're back to writing regularly. Remus and Sirius are slowly but surely becoming more aware that they're in like with each other. Regarding Remus' illness, its cause is unknown and the doctors haven't figured out what it is, but we'll go into more details later if it comes up.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We apologise for the length of this chapter, but we promise that the next one will be way much longer which may take us a while to work on.

It had been difficult for Sirius to realise that without having paper and something to write with nearby, it was entirely possible that he and Remus would not be able to communicate with each other.  It was probably something that he should have realised immediately after meeting Remus, but he was sort of stupid and he didn’t think, and he was mostly just very excited about having a new friend, but now that he’d seen it happen, he was terrified of it happening again.  Ever since then, Sirius had made sure that he always had a pen in his pocket.  He had also decided to find a private tutor to teach him how to sign.  He had no idea how to start looking, though, and after a few days of aimlessly poking around in the phone directory, he ended up going to McGonagall after class one day.  
  
Not knowing why Sirius would suddenly come to see her in the office, McGonagall was a bit suspicious.  It took a few minutes for him to be able to say it, but with a bit of prodding, Sirius explained his plan to her.  McGonagall wasn’t surprised that Sirius had wanted to learn sign language after finding out that he’d befriended Mr. Lupin.  Sirius could be a pain when he wanted to be, but he was very loyal and good to his friends.  She agreed to help, but it took her a few weeks until she managed to find an advertisement in the newspaper.  She contacted the tutor immediately and invited her over after school on the same day for the first lesson, only informing Sirius in the next class she had with him.  Sirius was so grateful for McGonagall's help in finding a teacher, especially one who seemed like she'd be patient enough to help him learn.  
  
Learning sign language was a hell of a lot harder than learning French or Italian, though, and when he wasn’t immediately successful, he got frustrated. He’d wanted to surprise Remus, but he was progressing very slowly.  The lessons didn’t affect Sirius’ daytime schedule and would have gone unnoticed by James if he hadn’t been grouchy at school whenever people were in his vicinity.  The strange thing was that he was never grumpy at Remus, but then, James could tell by now that Sirius had a crush on Remus, so there was a reason for that, at least.  
  
One day, before Sirius could snap at him, James tugged him around a corner in the corridor while on the way to lunch with their friends.  “What’ve you been up to, mate? You don’t have to growl at everyone whenever they try to talk to you.”  
  
Sirius really hadn't meant to take his frustration out on his friends. He knew that he had to work on controlling his quick temper, especially if he wanted to keep his plan a secret and not make all of his friends hate him.  But he didn’t want to tell James what he’d been up to.  
  
When Sirius stuck his lip out without saying anything, James sighed and pulled away to put a little distance between them. “You don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to, but I just want to help.”  
  
Of course Sirius knew that James only wanted to help.  James was always there to help him when he needed it, and to be honest, Sirius didn’t like to keep things from James.  It just didn’t seem fair after everything that James had done for him and as far as he knew, James never kept secrets from him. “I know. I’m sorry. I know I’ve been really mean lately. I’m just. I’ve been trying to learn how to sign and it’s… not going well.”  
  
James gasped but nothing else came out even though he tried to open his mouth to speak.  He thought he’d misheard Sirius. “Sign?” There were many signs in the world, but the only relevant one that James could think of was sign language. “For Remus?”  
  
Under ordinary circumstances, Sirius would have answered with something sarcastic, but he was too frustrated and he was afraid of being too mean, so he simply nodded. “It’s not fair that he has to try and adjust for us.  I want to try and learn for him.  But I’m really bad at it!”  
  
“Aww, mate…” It was very sweet of Sirius that he wanted to do that for Remus and James was at a loss for words for a moment when the fact of how important Remus was to Sirius suddenly dawned on him.  “And you intend to keep it a secret from all of us, including Remus? You could’ve practiced with him.”  
  
Sirius shrugged, shaking his head at the suggestion. “I get too frustrated and you know how I am when I’m angry about something.  I wouldn’t want to yell at him just because I’m mad at myself.”  It would have been nice to be able to practice with Remus, but he was struggling at making sense to his very patient tutor.  If he couldn’t sign well enough for Remus to understand him, he would have got discouraged.  Well, more discouraged. As it was, he was kicking himself on the inside for even thinking about giving up and ruining Remus’ surprise before he’d even got the chance to show him!  For once, his stubbornness was working in his favour, making him keep at it.  
  
James saw that Sirius did have a point.  He really wanted to encourage him, yet all he could do was to nod in agreement.  He threw his arm over Sirius as they continued to make their way to the cafeteria.  “You’re very smart, you know that?  Don’t give up on it. You’ll get it soon enough.”  
  
While he didn’t quite believe James’ words, Sirius was grateful for his support.  He leaned into James, wrapping his arm around him so James wouldn’t have to support his weight as they walked.  “I’m trying hard not to give up. You won’t tell him, right?”  
  
“Not a word, mate. I’ll never betray you!” James elbowed Sirius gently and put on his best trademark grin to reassure him.  Sirius knew that James would keep his word and his secret would be safe until he wanted to share what he’d learned with Remus.  He threw his arms around his best friend, squeezing him tight and trying to lift him up off of the ground, like they used to do when they were smaller.  James laughed when Sirius succeeded in picking him up and mussed his hair fondly when his feet were on the ground again.  “Come on, let’s go get some lunch.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The symptom that gives Remus the most trouble is his lowered immune system. Because of that, he suffers from fevers, weight loss, and low energy. He also got an infection because of it when he was young that caused his hearing loss. In addition to these symptoms, Remus also has memory problems and suffers from occasional joint pain.
> 
> Since the doctors aren't exactly sure what he has or how to treat the main cause of his illness, his symptoms could worsen over time and he might develop other symptoms later on.


	13. Chapter 13

The day before the start of the winter holidays, Sirius had asked Remus to meet him on Christmas Eve after the sun had gone down. He knew it would be a bit colder, but there were less kids and their mums at the park, and there would be less chance of his parents noticing he was gone. He knew that his friend might not be able to make it, but it was still worth a try. James had gone on holiday with his parents and Peter was off visiting his grandparents, and Sirius wanted to see at least one of his friends on his birthday. His parents were throwing a party, supposedly for him, but mostly for Christmas, probably. They hadn’t noticed when he left the party several hours ago, and they didn’t notice when he left the house 20 minutes ago to meet Remus. Sirius sat on the swing set, slowly pushing himself around with his feet, holding Remus’ present on his lap. If Remus couldn’t come, he’d leave it on his doorstep, but hopefully his friend would be able to make it. 

Remus knew that chances would be slim to go out after sunset when Sirius had asked him, but he’d promised his friend that he’d try his best to meet him anyway. He spent days in his room, racking his brain to try to come up with a good excuse to leave the house, yet there wasn’t any. After hesitating for a few more days, he ended up finding himself hovering in the kitchen one afternoon when his father was away, asking his mother for permission to meet Sirius at the park in the evening on Christmas Eve. Mrs. Lupin wasn’t too fond of the idea at the beginning, especially after the incident when he’d forgotten to tell her that he’d be home late after the football match and had made them worried sick. She asked Remus if they could meet earlier, but when no reply came from Remus, she sighed and nodded her approval. She didn’t want to lock him up in the house for the whole holiday, and she was happy for her son to have made a new friend. She would just have to keep his father occupied for Remus before dinner.

On the day of Christmas Eve, Mrs. Lupin asked her husband to help make one of the biggest meals of the year and gave Remus a thumbs up to reassure him that everything was safe, signalling him to sneak out of the house.

Holding a nicely wrapped present in his hand, Remus hurried to the park, which was a few streets away, to find Sirius sitting on the swing set. He approached him from behind, wanting to surprise him by tapping lightly on his shoulder. 

Sirius jumped, startled when he felt something on his shoulder. He turned around, grinning when he saw Remus shaking with silent laughter. Getting up from the swing, he gently shoved Remus’ shoulder to get his attention again, holding his Christmas present out for him. “Happy Christmas!” 

Remus smiled broadly as he accepted the present, mouthing thank you at Sirius before holding out his present for him. Sirius beamed at Remus as he accepted the gift, thanking him in sign language. Sirius fidgeted and shifted uncomfortably, not knowing what Remus’ reaction would be. Remus’ eyes went wide, thinking that he was probably imagining it when Sirius signed. He blinked a few times in confusion, opening his mouth as he if was going to ask something. 

It was sort of difficult for Sirius to keep signing with one of his hands full, so he just grinned at Remus, hoping that he was happy with the surprise. Remus finally believed that he wasn’t hallucinating when Sirius didn’t do it again but just stare at him instead, in hopes that he’d get it. He held his present under his arm and signed back, _“did you learn how to sign?”_ Sirius tried to follow what Remus was saying, but his hands were moving too fast. _“Again please?”_

Remus didn’t need to wait for an affirmative response from Sirius to know the answer! _“You did!”_ He was so happy that he pulled Sirius into a hug with his free arm after signing quickly, breaking into a huge grin. Sirius did his best to hug Remus as tight as he could without putting his gift down. Seeing how happy Remus looked made him so glad that he hadn't given up. 

It was getting colder as it got darker, and Sirius didn't know how late Remus could stay out. He let go of his friend, backing away a little so he could have some space to sign. _"Open it!"_

Remus was only pulled back to reality from his excitement and remembered that they were supposed to exchange Christmas presents when Sirius signed at him again. He nodded hastily and smiled at his friend before unwrapping the present carefully, not wanting to tear the wrapping paper with force. Sirius had spent his time to wrap his present nicely after all! 

It didn't really matter whether or not Remus ripped the paper. Sirius had a tendency to shred wrapping paper in his excitement and he would not have been upset with Remus if he had done the same. He'd been stuck on what to get for Remus until he'd seen the big fluffy blanket. It seemed perfect for his friend, now that it was getting so cold, and it would go very well with the collection of stories that he'd got for Remus as well. The book was set on top of the blanket in the box. Sirius had almost wrapped the blanket around the book, but hadn't wanted Remus to pull the blanket out later only drop a heavy book on his foot.

Remus held the wrapping paper under his arm as he opened the box. He gasped and looked up at Sirius with twinkle of excitement in his eyes as soon as he saw an anthology of stories. He took it out, wanting to flip through the pages quickly, only to find a blanket underneath the book when he did! It’d be clumsy to take everything out, so he’d have to contain his curiosity and wait till he got home to read and examine the blanket. He closed the box and held it under his arm to give Sirius another hug in thanks, nudging him gently when he pulled away and encouraging him to open his present too!

If Remus hadn't opened his present with such care, Sirius might have just ripped all the paper off to get to the box, but since his friend had been so careful, he thought it was best to follow suit. He did his best to unwrap the edges of the gift without tearing the paper, revealing a book without a title. When he opened the book, Sirius found himself looking at a wonderful drawing of himself. A smile slowly broke across his face as he turned the page to find another drawing, and then another. It seemed like the book was composed of different drawings of him during his football practice. He laughed softly, looking up and beaming at Remus. "You drew these?"

Remus had been observing Sirius' reaction nervously as he flipped through the page, and was relieved when he seemed to like them. Sirius' laugh was contagious, even though Remus was unable to hear it. He beamed in return, nodding in answer to Sirius' question. He didn't know how many signs Sirius had learned, but he was unable to write while holding his present, so he signed as slowly as possible for Sirius to understand.

_Do you like them?_

Sirius nodded happily, throwing his arm around Remus, not wanting to squish the book between them. “They’re great! Thank you, Remus.” It took him a moment to remember that Remus wouldn’t be able to hear him, so he pulled away and thought carefully before signing again. _Thank you. They’re great!_

Feeling his cheeks heating up in the cold from his shyness, Remus nodded in acknowledgement. That was it, he guessed. He should go home before his father discovered that he’d gone out in the dark. _I think I have to go._

It was rather late, wasn’t it? Sirius was surprised that no one had come looking for either of them yet. He nodded, grateful that Remus had been able to meet him in the first place. “Okay. I’ll see you at school, then.” He would have to practice signing, to be able to understand Remus if he wanted to sign a little faster, and to learn how to say more things, but he hoped it had been a nice surprise for his friend. 

It was a bit sad that the next time they saw each other would be after the holiday, but Remus would hopefully be able to occupy himself with the book Sirius had given him to stop any lonely thoughts from harbouring. Remus tried his best to smile his brightest smile to hide any hint of disappointment, and resisted the urge from leaning in and giving Sirius a little kiss on the cheek as a goodbye, as he was sure that athletic boys were very unlikely to be queer. _Happy new year, Sirius._

It hadn’t occurred to Sirius that he wasn’t going to get to see Remus for a few weeks, since they were on winter break and he’d forgotten. His face fell for a moment before trying to match Remus’ bright smile. “Are you staying here for the break or are you going on holiday to somewhere nice and warm like Pete’s family?”

Remus tried to lip-read but long sentences were very difficult for him. He only got a few words of what Sirius had said, but he thought it’d be rude to ask Sirius to sign as he was only a beginner. He bit on his lip, trying to guess from the few words he caught. 

It was obvious that Remus hadn't understood what he asked. Sirius shook his head, trying to remember how to sign the right words, trying to sign as he spoke. "Are you...." _staying for vacation_ "or uh..." _going away?_

Remus was glad that Sirius was observant enough to notice that he hadn't caught what he’d said. He watched carefully as Sirius attempted to explain and his mouth formed a little 'O' upon understanding. _Staying for vacation. You?_

Sirius blinked slowly, frowning slightly as he kept his eyes focused on Remus' hands. It was odd, having to focus on Remus' hands so much to try and understand what he was saying, but he desperately wanted to get better. He didn't realize he was frowning so much until he looked up and beamed at Remus, feeling his forehead relax. _Staying._ He wasn't sure how to express his excitement that they would both be staying, though, so he ended up frowning again while he tried to figure out the right signs.

Seeing how much Sirius was struggling, Remus didn't have the heart the put him through this. He put the box on the ground and dug into his trousers pocket for the notebook and pencil he'd taken out with him for Sirius to write on.

Sirius watched Remus fishing around in his pocket for something, quickly shaking his head when he realized it was his notebook. _Let me... try, please._ Remus appreciated Sirius' effort and nodded immediately to allow him a chance to practice. He gnawed on his lip for a moment before carefully signing again. _Can I see you again?_

Remus bit on his lower lip to stop himself from grinning too widely. It was very normal for friends to meet up during breaks, right? He mentally reminded himself that it meant nothing more than that. _Of course. I'd be happy to._

Happy meant yes, right? Because "happy" was the only word that Sirius had understood. A grin spread across his face as he reached for the notebook, temporarily giving up on trying to sign so he could make sure Remus had meant he wanted to see him over the break. Will you be able to meet me? Your parents won't mind?

Right. That was a problem that Remus hadn’t considered. He chewed on his lip as he considered what he could do. He was so excited at the idea of seeing Sirius again that he hadn't really thought about it thoroughly before saying yes. He reached for the notebook and pencil from Sirius and wrote his reply. I probably can't meet you when my dad's home...and I don't know when my dad will be out…

Sirius thought for a moment, wondering how to plan another meeting with Remus. If all else failed, he could always go to Remus’ house to simply check if his father was home or not. His mum seemed to like him well enough and probably wouldn’t object to Remus seeing him. But Remus might not want Sirius coming over. And if his father caught him more than once, he’d probably hate him even more. But they’d think of something. He just needed a minute! Remus shifted uncertainly on his feet as he waited for Sirius to say something. He was a bit disappointed at the fact that it might not work right after he lifted his hopes up.

Perhaps it would be all right if Sirius took some walks near the Lupin house, if he didn't stop. Mr. Lupin didn't own the sidewalk and there was a park nearby that Sirius could go to if Remus' father did happen to be home, so it wouldn't even look that suspicious! He reached for the notebook again, grinning at Remus now that he had a plan of action. What if I start taking walks near your house? I can make sure your dad isn't home before coming to see you!

Remus read the notebook that was passed back to him and pondered for a moment before taking the pen from Sirius to write, The car's usually gone if my dad isn't home.

That was perfect! Sirius would be able to see if Remus' father's car was home when he walked past, and if he wasn't, he'd be able to go to the door and he could ask to see him! He nodded happily at Remus, too excited to stop himself from throwing his arms around him again.

Remus chuckled quietly and rested his chin on Sirius' shoulder, returning the hug. Sirius could feel his ears burning, pleased that Remus hadn't gotten awkward when he got a little too enthusiastic about seeing him over the holiday. He gently nudged Remus' head with his own before pulling away to grin at his friend. "Then it's all settled! I'll do my best to come by as often as I can!" 

Sirius was speaking too fast that Remus only got the last part of the sentence. He nodded and grinned in return as he put his notebook away. Well, that was it. Remus needed to go home before his dad discovered that he'd sneaked out of the house. He wasn't sure if Sirius would understand him if he signed, so he did what James did last time at the party, walking two fingers in the air to tell his friend that he had to go.

Sirius nodded, laughing a bit as Remus repeated James' made up sign. He pointed at himself before pointing at Remus, doing the finger walking in mid-air, earning a quiet chuckle from Remus accompanied by a nod of his head. They walked back to Remus’ block together in comfortable silence, stopping on the corner before getting too close to Remus’ house. Since Mr. Lupin’s car was there, Sirius didn’t want to risk being seen and yelled at again. He hoped there was enough light for Remus to read his lips as he turned to speak to him. “I’ll come back tomorrow, okay?” It took a while for Remus to make out what Sirius had just said and nocded. It was too much of a hassle to take out his notebook and write, so he signed slowly in hopes that Sirius would understand him. _I will wait for you, then._ He then leaned up to kiss Sirius on the cheek as a farewell and ran back to the house without looking back, not wanting Sirius to notice how red his face was. Sirius didn’t know how long he was standing on the corner, grinning at nothing with his eyes unfocused after Remus had kissed him, before snapping out of it and heading home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY HALLOWEEN! Woohooooo a Halloween update!  
> We thank you so much for your patience. It's become a seasonal update whoops. We also thank you for all the kind comments! It's good to know that you're enjoying it! We hope that the length of this chapter had made up for the long wait :'D


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for being patient with us and for all the kind feedback! This is a longer chapter, so hopefully it makes up for the delay in posting it! >3>

As promised, Sirius went back to Remus' home the next day, but Mr. Lupin's car hadn't moved from in front of the house. When the car was still there the following day, Sirius decided he’d try a new time tomorrow. He wanted to walk by again later in the day, but that was silly and he was being silly. If Mr. Lupin actually _was_ home, he would probably come outside and yell at him for being suspicious. But Remus had kissed him and Sirius didn't want him to think that he was avoiding him! After a week of being unable to knock on the Lupin's door, Sirius decided he would have to resort to drastic measures. But first, he had to figure out which one was the window to Remus' bedroom. Since he couldn't really stand on the street where Mr. Lupin could see him while he tried to figure out which one was Remus' room, Sirius had ducked behind a car parked across the street. He felt spectacularly creepy, but he had to take drastic measures to see his friend again! If he was lucky, Remus would eventually walk past one of the windows or his parents would appear in one of the windows and rule that one out. When Remus finally appeared for a moment in one of the two upstairs windows, Sirius knew what he had to do.

There was a tree in front of the Lupin residence, one that wasn't quite in a position to climb up into the house, but close enough that Remus could see him. It had been years since he'd had to climb a tree without help from James or Caradoc, but he could probably still manage it without falling. Sirius carefully scaled the tree, finding a fat branch to sit on. Remus had sat down to read, facing away from the window, so Sirius pulled a few twigs off of the tree and threw one at Remus' window. It took him a minute to remember that Remus wasn’t going to be able to hear the twig hitting the window and that his plan was a bit stupid. He had to think of another way to get his attention. Sirius ended up scooting closer to the window, tossing more of the twigs at it and flapping his arms around, trying to get Remus to see him.

Remus finally caught something out of the corner of his eyes and he looked up to see what it was. He couldn't believe what he saw! He rubbed his eyes to make sure he wasn't hallucinating Sirius sitting in the tree outside. He was so excited that he’d forgotten that he didn’t usually make any sound in front of his friends and had uttered Sirius’ name, though Sirius still wouldn’t be able to hear him. He beamed at his friend and stood up to open the window to greet him.

The branch that Sirius was sitting on wasn’t exactly the sturdiest thing, but he didn’t care. He grinned happily at Remus, waving at him again. He couldn’t let go of the branch to sign anything, but he was glad to see his friend. Maybe he could climb into Remus’ window if he moved quick enough and the branch didn’t snap under his weight. Remus watched nervously as Sirius inched closer to his window. While he was happy to see his friend, he had hoped he wouldn’t do anything reckless like this! It seemed too dangerous to continue sliding over on the branch. Sirius looked over his head, trying to figure out if the fatter branch above him would be better at supporting his weight. Surely both of them together would suffice! He slowly reached for the branch, pulling himself up and using the branch above him to hold his weight as he carefully edged his way closer to Remus' window. 

Remus gasped and held his breath as he watched Sirius walking precariously on the branch. There was nothing he could do for his friend except open the window wide for him to climb in once he reached the end of the branch. By the time Sirius got there, his arms were mostly supporting his entire weight. He swung himself into Remus' room, toppling over onto the carpet from the momentum. It was a stupid move he'd hopefully never have to repeat, but Remus was here and Sirius was glad to see him again! He quickly stood up, brushing his hands clean on his pants before looking over and grinning at Remus. Remus grinned in return and his face lit up. He went up to hug his friend, unable to express how happy he was being able to see him! 

As much as Sirius wanted to hug Remus back, he could hear footsteps approaching down the hall. He looked at Remus, panicking because his friend didn't seem overly concerned by what was probably his parents coming to check on him after hearing Sirius’ crash landing. He smacked himself in the face, remembering once again that Remus couldn't hear, and wouldn’t know that his parents were getting closer. He pulled back, holding a finger up so Remus would wait for him, before diving under the bed, hoping that his friend's parents wouldn't look there. 

Remus was left confused, standing in the middle of his room. But it didn't take long to clear his doubts when his parents entered the room. His mouth formed a little 'o' in realisation as his mum went up straight to him to check his face and arms for injuries while his dad went over to close the wide-opened window. They’d thought Remus had rolled off of the bed! After confirming that Remus wasn’t hurt, she wrapped her arms around him to pull him into a tight hug. She gently helped him back into bed, tugging the blanket up to cover him and giving him the book that was set next to the pillow. Before leaving with her husband to let Remus rest, Mrs. Lupin kissed him on the forehead and told him that she loved him.

Even though he’d heard the Lupins leave, Sirius had decided that he couldn't come out just yet, not until he was sure that Mr. and Mrs. Lupin weren't going to come back. Remus also stayed very still, holding his breath as he waited for a minute to be certain that his parents wouldn't come back before peering down under the bed to check on Sirius, smiling at him. By then Sirius had calmed down a little, grinning widely at Remus when his face appeared down by the floor. It was probably too dark under the bed for Remus to try reading his lips, so Sirius slowly scooted his way towards the edge of the bed. Remus got up to allow Sirius to come out, shifting onto the other side to make space for his friend to join him on the bed.

When Sirius pulled himself out and saw Remus lying on the far side of the bed, he wondered if he was supposed to climb in with him. He didn't want to be presumptuous, though, so he kicked off his shoes and climbed on top of the covers, sitting beside Remus instead. "Hi. I missed you." 

Remus hadn't expected it to be the first thing that Sirius said to him. He couldn't help but blush as he giggled quietly, trying to sign back to him. _"I missed you, too."_

Seeing Remus giggling was nice, even though Sirius hadn't quite understood what he was signing. He hoped Remus had missed him too! He leaned over to embrace his friend, hoping a hug would be all right. Remus was all snuggled up in bed! Was he all right? Was he sick? Did he need to be resting? In his excitement, Sirius had forgot to practice his signing, so he'd sort of forgotten how to sign what he wanted to ask. 

Sirius' excitement to see Remus was evident in the hug even though he didn't sign anything. Remus wrapped his arms around his friend in return, leaning against him as he laughed quietly, still trying to convince himself that this was real and that he had Sirius on his bed. He had almost given up hopes in seeing Sirius again with his dad being home everyday this holiday.

Sirius wasn't quite sure how he was supposed to get out of Remus' house with both of his parents being home, though he supposed he could try getting out the way he'd come in. It didn't really matter right now, anyway. He was just glad that he'd got to see his friend again. He pulled away a bit without letting go of Remus, so that his friend would be able to try and read his lips. "Are you okay? Are you sick?" 

Remus looked up and smiled reassuringly at Sirius, shaking his head and letting go to sign. _"Mum just thought I was hurt."_

Sirius carefully watched Remus' hands, trying to figure out what he'd said. He knew the signs for "mum" and "thought" but whatever it was that Remus' mum had thought was escaping him. He was trying so hard in his lessons, having his tutor teach him the things he would need the most, as well as specific things he would need to know like the signs he'd used at Christmas in the park. He rubbed his face a little, shaking his head before signing _"Again?"_

Remus smiled and shook his head before pushing himself up to step across the room to fetch his notebook and pencil on the desk for them to talk properly. He understood that it might be hard for Sirius to understand as he’d just started learning signs. He wrote what he'd just signed and passed the notebook to his friend. Sirius didn't know whether to be pleased that he'd understood half of what Remus had wanted to say or mad at himself for not understanding all of it. He nodded, reaching for the pencil and the notebook, feeling lazy for not trying to sign. Have you had a nice holiday so far?

Remus shrugged and took the notebook and pencil. I guess. Didn't get sick this Christmas so I could do lots of reading. He didn't hand them back to Sirius immediately after, though. He hesitated for a bit before adding more to it. But it wasn't as nice, as I couldn't see you.

Sirius laughed softly, feeling his ears burning as he read the end of what Remus wrote. "I missed you too." It was good to hear that Remus hadn't got sick! Sirius smiled at his friend, carefully wrapping his arms around him and gently pulling him back into a hug. 

Remus hadn't expected that. He chuckled quietly as his face turned red, burying his face in Sirius’ shoulder. He couldn't help but notice how warm and firm Sirius was, and without thinking, he leaned up to press a kiss to Sirius' cheek like he did last time. Sirius reached up to cup Remus' face with one hand, still holding him close with his other arm. Now was not the time to get all shy! He quickly leaned in to kiss the corner of Remus' mouth, feeling the rest of his face flushing all the way down to his neck. The kiss was too brief for Remus to be sure that it wasn’t an accident. He bit his lip as he mustered up more courage to press his lips against Sirius’ firmly to assure himself that he hadn’t imagined it.

A wide grin spread across Sirius' face as Remus kissed him. His face was redder than it had probably ever been in his entire life and he was fighting a case of the giggles. He reached up with his other hand to cup Remus' face properly as he kissed him back, doing his best to steady himself and stop laughing. He hadn't forgotten that Remus' parents were in the house and that he had to be quiet or they'd come back to check on their son.

Remus might not be able to hear, but he could feel Sirius' infectious laughter, making him laugh and forget that he didn’t like making any sounds. It was his first time to ever kiss anyone. He didn't know anything except pecking on Sirius' lips when he had to kiss back.

Sirius had only ever kissed twice before. When he was thirteen, Mary MacDonald had let him kiss her at Peter's birthday party, and it was then that he realised he had no interest in kissing girls. A few years later, an older boy had kissed him in the library after school, but after that, the boy told him that he wasn't interested in kissing boys and to sod off. Since then, Sirius had been rather nervous about telling anyone his preferences, even people who seemed interested in him, and had done his very best to fend off romantic advances. Remus was so sweet, though, and he was very fond of this boy who didn't seem to care that he had a pretty face and that his parents had a lot of money. He was glad that Remus had been brave enough to kiss him, since he wasn't sure he would have been brave enough to try it on his own. It had been surprising to hear Remus laughing so freely, when his friend was usually so careful about staying quiet. Sirius had heard him chuckling quietly a few times before, but he'd never heard him laugh like this! He beamed at Remus, giving him a few more little kisses before pulling back to brush Remus' hair out of his face.

Sirius' touch was so gentle that Remus didn't want him to pull away just yet. He sought his touch, reaching up to take the hand that brushed the few strands out of his face and pressing it against his cheek, which was pink from the kissing just now. Words failed him at the moment, all he could manage was a fond smile. 

Sirius couldn't think of what to say either. He smiled back at his friend, resting his forehead against Remus' as he gently stroked his cheek with his thumb. He couldn't talk to Remus like this, though, since Remus wouldn't be able to read his lips when they were this close. He kissed Remus on the cheek before pulling back and reaching for the paper and pencil. I wish your parents would let you come out with me. I want to ask you on a proper date. Sirius had never actually been on a proper date, but he had an idea in his head of taking Remus out for Italian food and a walk in the park like in Lady and the Tramp.

Remus wasn’t sure about what the kiss had made them, but Sirius was asking him on a date, so hopefully he was Sirius’ boyfriend now. He blushed a little at the idea, taking the paper and pencil from Sirius to write. A proper date as boyfriends?

The thought of having a boyfriend was making Sirius a little bit lightheaded. He’d been so focused on the date part that he hadn’t got around to thinking of what came next. He nodded slowly, a grin spreading across his face. Seeing how wide Sirius was grinning made Remus grin too. He leaned up to press his lips to Sirius’ again to let him know how happy he was. Since he wasn’t holding the pencil anymore, Sirius wrapped his arms around Remus as they kissed, doing his best not to laugh again. He froze when he heard footsteps coming up the hallway, his eyes going wide. They hadn’t been making noise, had they? He pulled away from Remus, grinning sheepishly as he got off of the bed and hurried over to hide in the wardrobe.

Remus had an idea of why Sirius had to pull away so abruptly after what had happened before. He smoothed out the wrinkles on his blanket before flipping the paper to draw on it to pretend that he'd been drawing when his mother opened the door. Mrs. Lupin was pleased to see that her son seemed to be doing well. She had been a bit frightened when she heard him falling from his bed. She smiled, watching him from the doorway for a bit before going over get his attention. _"It's time for dinner, love."_

Remus looked up and tried to look a bit surprised, pretending that he didn’t know his mum was coming upstairs. He nodded and smiled at her, setting his pencil down so that he could sign. _"I'll be downstairs in a minute."_ He hoped that his mum wouldn't find him suspicious, as he'd normally follow her to the dining room, but he wanted to say goodbye to Sirius instead of just leaving him alone in the room.

It wasn't really _that_ odd that Remus would want a moment before joining them at the table. Perhaps he had to go to the bathroom or wash his hands. Mrs. Lupin was mostly just glad that he wasn’t hurt. She gently brushed his hair back, kissed the top of his head, and headed back downstairs. 

Remus waited for a few seconds after Mrs. Lupin had left, getting out of bed to go over to the wardrobe to open the doors for Sirius as soon as he was sure that his mum was gone. He grinned at him, bowing and gesturing dramatically like a knight as he stepped aside to let Sirius out.

Sirius laughed as he stepped out of the wardrobe, bowing in return to thank Remus for letting him out. He didn't want to leave just yet, but it seemed like the perfect opportunity to walk out the front door if the Lupins were going to be distracted with dinner. He wasn't sure he'd be able to leap out of the window and make it to the tree. "I should go."

Remus hoped that Sirius could stay for longer, but there was no point in keeping him in his room if he was going to be downstairs having dinner. He nodded, going back to his bed for the piece of paper and pencil. How are you going to leave?

Sirius took the pencil from Remus, wondering if he'd throw all of these notes away so his parents wouldn't find them later. Would it be possible for me to go out the front door? Or should I climb out of the window? Is the dining room table between here and the front door?

Remus was horrified that Sirius thought about leaving through the window! It might be easy to jump into the house from the tree, but it'd be harder to do the opposite. He shook his head as he grabbed the piece of paper and pencil from Sirius. You can't leave from the window! It's too dangerous! I'll distract my parents so you can leave through the door when the chance comes.

Sirius nodded in agreement, glancing out the window at the tree. He wasn't sure how he'd managed to make it into the room without falling to his death, but he wasn't eager to try it again. He grinned at Remus, leaning in to give him a quick peck on the lips before sticking his head out into the hallway to make sure Remus' mum had gone. 

While Remus was blushing madly, still trying to register the fact that Sirius had just kissed him again, Sirius turned around and motioned that the coast was clear. The dramatic hand flaps got Remus' attention again and he nodded, carefully leading the way downstairs and gesturing to Sirius to wait at a spot for his signal where it was safe from his parents' view.

Sirius followed Remus through his house, doing his best not to get distracted by the family photographs on the walls as he waited for Remus' signals to continue. He'd never seen much of Remus' house, other than the front entrance and the living room. He knew that the dining room wasn't visible from the front entrance, so at least he'd be able to creep out of the house without getting Remus into trouble if he was eating with his family. 

Remus joined his parents who were now busy doting on him, serving him food. It'd be a good opportunity for Sirius to sneak out now! Remus couldn't leave the table without being suspicious, though. He hoped Sirius would get it.

When Remus didn't come back, Sirius assumed that meant it was safe to go. He hadn't seen Mr. or Mrs. Lupin, but he could hear silverware moving, so with any luck, they'd remain distracted with their dinner as he left. He quietly padded to the front door, opening it as quietly as he could and slipping outside. Sneaking out of his own house had given him lots of practice at silently closing doors as well. He couldn't lock it from the outside, but Remus could take care of that later. Once he was outside of the house, he wasn’t nearly as graceful. He almost fell down the steps as he backed away from the door, catching himself on the railing at the last second. He got over the shock of nearly smashing his head on Remus’ front stoop after a moment, feeling a bit lightheaded and weak in the knees from the whole evening on his way back home.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! We haven't forgotten about this fic and we won't abandon it! (though we might be extremely slow in updating)  
> We've been sidetracked by another wolfstar fic, which will hopefully have a chance to see the world.  
> Thank you for those who're still sticking with us and we hope you enjoy this chapter.

Spring term started before they had another opportunity to meet. Remus enjoyed this nice change in his life, looking forward to going to school. His parents were pleased that their son seemed to be enjoying school, not knowing the real reason behind. To Remus’ surprise, Sirius didn’t tell James about their relationship, which meant that they had to act like before when they were with him. It wasn’t that Remus minded, as it was Sirius’ decision to come out to his best friend or not. He hadn’t anticipated how difficult it would be to withhold being close to his boyfriend. He wasn’t even sure if he’d been going out of his way to avoid being _too_ close to Sirius.

Their friends hadn't really noticed a change in their behaviour. Sirius was physically affectionate with all of his friends, in his own way, so it wasn't strange to see him hugging Remus or linking arms with him in the hallway. He wasn't afraid of telling James about his new relationship with Remus, but he wanted to keep it to himself for now. He liked having something that was only between him and Remus and he wasn't ready to share it just yet. The only downside was that he couldn't tell their friends to go away when he wanted to be alone with Remus. Going to the library together to study seemed to work best, since he had to help Remus catching up with classes he missed anyway.

James thought it was nice for Sirius to take it upon himself to help Remus, but because of that, he hadn’t really been able to spend time with his best friend outside of football practice! He wouldn’t protest, though, as Remus needed the help, so he tagged along without asking them, doing his homework like a good boy, sitting opposite them.

It wasn't like they could do anything at school anyway, so Sirius couldn't really get frustrated with James for working with them. He was maybe sitting a little bit closer to Remus than he would be sitting with anyone else, but James knew he was overly affectionate, so hopefully he wouldn't say anything or think anything weird was going on. Sirius leaned over a bit, showing Remus the notes for the last class that he'd missed, carefully pressing their legs together under the table as he pointed out the important bits of the lesson.

Remus was very conscious of what was going on under the table and he jumped a little before tensing up when Sirius suddenly did that. He was very afraid that James would know if he moved, or even breathed, so he held his breath when Sirius leaned close to him and focused only on the notes in front of him without making eye contact with anyone.

James wasn't sure what had happened to make Remus jump like that. He was fairly certain that Sirius hadn't pinched Remus, but hopefully he hadn't done anything else to him either. Sirius looked equally confused, shifting away to give Remus some space. He hadn't meant to scare Remus like that! He only wanted to sit close to him.

While Remus missed the closeness with Sirius, he also felt bad that he made him shift away in front of others. He shot Sirius an apologetic look, hoping that he hadn’t deterred him.

Sirius smiled at Remus, hoping that he hadn't upset him. He knew that he was too affectionate with everyone, but he hadn't thought that Remus would react like that. James, bless him, was pretending that nothing had happened and was focused on his books again, so Sirius picked up his pencil, acting like he was writing down some notes from his book before sliding it over to Remus. I'm sorry.

Remus shook his head at Sirius after reading the note, turning it to the back to write his reply. I'm sorry, I was too self-conscious.

It was comforting to know that Remus wasn't upset with him, but Sirius didn't want him to feel like he had to do anything he wasn't comfortable with! He shook his head, smiling at his boyfriend. He motioned at the book, not wanting to distract Remus from his studying. They could have some time alone together, without James hopefully, at some point this week.

Remus smiled in return, suddenly feeling all the uneasiness was gone. He nodded and pulled the book closer to resume studying.

James had been watching them out of the corner of his eye. He had suspected that Sirius had a crush on Remus, but he wondered if Remus also had a crush on Sirius and that was why he was so jumpy today. Sirius was coming over to his house later, so he'd ask him on the way home if he remembered.

Just before it started to get dark, Remus wrote another note to tell Sirius that he had to go before he started packing.

Sirius had always planned to walk Remus home, and since he was going to the Potters' anyway, it just made sense for James to come with them. He stepped on James' foot under the table to get his attention, laughing a bit when James jumped in his seat. "Let's walk Remus home before going to yours."

James nodded, fighting a yawn. He wasn't used to studying so much, but he had to keep his grades up if he wanted to keep his position as captain. He grabbed his bag and started shoving his books in, pushing himself up from the table.

Remus appreciated Sirius for escorting him home everyday after school and James had no choice but to do the same whenever he hung out with them. It was understandable if they got tired of him eventually, but Remus tried not to show his worry on his face and focused on enjoying the time with his friends as they walked home.

James wanted to get to know Remus better and he never did anything because he felt obligated to do it. Sirius was happy that James often tried to include Remus when they were at lunch and that he wanted to join them when they were studying together. He linked his arm with Remus on one side, grinning at him before linking arms with James on the other side.

They walked Remus home arm in arm, bravely escorting him to the doorstep as Mr. Lupin wasn't there. Mrs. Lupin had invited the boys to go in for a snack but they politely refused, not wanting to disturb her from preparing dinner. After leaving the Lupins' house and walking for some distance, James brought up what he'd noticed in the library on the way to his house. "Is something going on between you and Remus?"

It wasn't like Sirius had been hiding it from James because he was afraid he'd react badly. He just wanted to have a secret between him and Remus for a little while. He nodded slowly, not wanting to lie outright to his best friend. "Yeah, since the holiday."

Now, James got curious. His instinct was right after all, having been best friends with Sirius for so many years. "What is it, mate? Did Remus tell you that he fancies you?"

Remus _had_ been the one to kiss him first, even if it was just on the cheek, but it wasn't like Sirius had been hiding that he liked him. "I visited him during the break and we... y'know...." It was so embarrassing to say out loud, even if it was just James here with him. "But then his parents came into his room and I had to hide in the closet and sneak out while they were having dinner." He groaned, hiding his face in his hands as he thought about it.

James didn't really know how to react to the sudden revelation. What Sirius did with Remus was a few steps ahead of what James had had in mind! Didn't people usually confess that they like each other before holding hands (or perhaps that happened at the same time) and kiss and finally get to what they were now talking about. James tried not to scrunch up his face imaging a sweaty, naked Sirius hiding in Remus' closet. "What about your clothes? Did Remus' parents see your clothes on the floor? Or you didn't take them off at all?"

It took Sirius a minute to work out what James was implying. He went bright red and smacked James in the shoulder, shaking his head quickly. "What? No! We didn't- Oh my god, James, what the fuck? We just kissed a little!" He actually hadn't even got as far as imagining himself making out with Remus, let alone being naked together. He covered his face with his hands, wishing the earth would swallow him whole so James would stop looking so scandalised.

"You should've just said that!" James was a little offended as the way Sirius had told him sounded like he'd done it with Remus! His face was now also very red, feeling embarrassed for misunderstanding and making it awkward. "Aww, mate, you don't have to be shy about that."

Sirius honestly hadn't meant to make it sound like they'd done anything other than kiss a bit. He came from a family that didn't express their feelings and while being physically affectionate with his friends had become second nature to him, it was still difficult for him to talk about it. He felt sort of stupid for not assuming James would think he was talking about sex, but there was nothing to be done about it now. He sighed heavily, slumping against his best friend as they walked, trying not to trip over his own feet. "Do you think it's a good thing?"

James tried to push back against Sirius so as not to fall. "Of course. I'm happy for you!" When he finally managed to get Sirius off of him, he quickly took a few steps away from his best friend to stop him from slumping against him again.

Sirius ended up chasing James the rest of the way to the house, finally catching him when he had to stop to open the front door. They collapsed into a pile in the front hall, pushing themselves up when Mrs. Potter saw them, laughing and shaking her head.

After having dinner, James hung out with Sirius in his room as usual. He was a bit hurt that his best friend didn't share the joy of him getting a boyfriend when it first happened! They sat on the floor, leaning against James' bed as they talked while having some ice cream, despite how cold it was in January. "So, how did it happen?"

Sirius carefully nibbled at his ice cream, trying to figure out how to explain everything that had happened without getting a lecture on the recklessness of jumping into windows from tree branches. A few years ago, James would have been jumping with him, but he'd been doing his best to be a mature young man to win the affections of a certain ginger. "When I went to give him his Christmas present, he kissed me on the cheek and we said I'd try to visit him during the holidays, but his dad wouldn't leave. I ended up climbing into his room from the tree next to it."

“You climbed into his room from a tree?!” James rose his voice in disbelief as his eyes widened. It sounded like something that’d only happen in films! “Oh, how romantic, Romeo.” Being used to Remus’ shy demeanour, he also couldn’t quite believe that he was so brave that he took the initiative rather than Sirius.

"I didn't mean to! I can't exactly shout at him from the street, now can I?" Sirius hadn't thought of it as romantic when he'd done it. He just wanted to see his friend and Mr. Lupin wasn't cooperating! "But now that you mention it, it would be nice to do something romantic for Remus, wouldn't it?"

“Oh yeah, totally.” James replied half-heartedly as he licked his ice cream. Sirius and Peter had always teased him for his attempts in wooing the said ginger. He was curious to find out what brilliant ideas Sirius had got in being ‘romantic’ to his boyfriend. “What are you planning to do?”

Because Sirius had never had any desire to perform showy romantic gestures for anyone before, he really only had James' over dramatic performances for Lily Evans to go by, and those always ended in her laughing or getting mad. He had no desire to embarrass Remus in public and he didn't think Mr. Lupin would appreciate him arriving at his house for any reason. Being spontaneously romantic was impossible and stupid. He groaned, slumping over onto the floor, making sure to hold his ice cream up. "I don't know. Something. No singing."

James wanted to tease Sirius for always teasing him, but his best friend seemed so distressed and he wasn't that cruel. He plopped down next to Sirius with his ice cream, trying to come up with something for him. "What about doing something for him on a daily basis?"

"Like what?" Sirius carefully pushed himself up off of the floor, sitting up next to James. He couldn't eat lying down and he certainly didn't want to spill any ice cream on Mrs. Potter's nice carpet. "Carrying his bag around? I think that might be a little too obvious, even to idiots like Dearborn."

James hadn't actually thought of that! But the idea was too cute that he couldn't help but go ‘awww’ at his friend. "You can do it in private, you berk! That can be one act, though." James then licked his ice cream quietly as he mused. "What about writing him songs and poems to tell him how much you fancy him?"

If his teachers were to be believed, Sirius had no talent for writing poems. He didn't think writing songs would be very good either, since Remus wouldn't be able to hear them. No, it had to be something that could be just as meaningful as a song or a poem, but that Remus could maybe read by himself, so Sirius didn't explode out of embarrassment. Oh! "What about a love letter?"

James looked up from his ice cream with his eyes twinkling in excitement, as if he was the one going to write love letter. "That'd be brilliant, too! We can come up with ideas together!"

Sirius eyed James, not really sure if he was supposed to feel suspicious or confused. "Are you secretly in love with Remus, James? Are we going to have to fight about this? Evans will be disappointed, I guess, but I can't say that I blame you." His best friend had probably just gotten a bit too excited about the idea of a love letter. But there was no reason they couldn't each write one, his to Remus and James' to Lily. 

James laughed, punching Sirius playfully on his arm with his free hand. Sirius made a noise of distress, putting the rest of his ice cream into his mouth so he wouldn’t drop it. "You know I don't fancy blokes! I only have eyes for my Lily Evans~" He then jumped onto his feet and started singing the badly written love song he wrote and sang to her a few weeks ago, holding his ice cream as his mic.

Sirius was a little envious that James seemed to have no idea how embarrassing he could be sometimes. It wasn't surprising that his love song had gotten him yelled at by a few teachers, but it had been a valiant effort and Lily seemed to have enjoyed it. "One day soon, mate. She actually smiled last time." She'd also been laughing a bit, but James was trying to help him and Sirius didn't want to bruise his ego. "What should I write to him?"

“Right.” James cleared his throat to try to calm down for a bit and plopped down next to Sirius again. “Dear Remus, my love," He then crossed his arms and concentrated very hard on coming up with the next line. "What do you think of 'my heart stops when I think of you?"

Sirius raised a brow, wondering if James was serious or not. They both enjoyed being dramatic, but this was perhaps a bit _too_ dramatic. "Doesn't that mean you're dead?"

James reached up and smacked Sirius' head before he doubled over and laughed. "You get what I meant! Doesn't your heart do the funny thing when you see Remus?"

Sirius rubbed the back of his head, shifting so he could aim a kick at James. "It does, but that's not stopping! If anything, it goes faster!"

James winced and rubbed the spot on his leg where Sirius had kicked him. "Put it down, then!"

Sirius didn't know how to put it down! He didn't know how to be flowery and dramatic in a letter, he was much better at doing it in person! He grabbed a bit of paper, picking out a pencil from his bag and began doodling the outline of a motorcycle.

James watched Sirius quietly as he drew. If he found it so difficult to write a decorated love letter, he could do it in his own words and James was sure it'd sound more sincere. "I like the motorbike. You can tell Remus your dreams, perhaps?"

"In a minute." Sirius liked how the drawing was turning out, so he was going to make it more detailed. It was easier for him to talk than to write, but he'd have to figure it out. He wanted to let Remus know how he felt, but he didn't want to be too silly or Remus would think he was kidding.

As Sirius focused on drawing, James finished off his ice cream and pulled out another piece of paper and a pencil to start on his poem for the love of his life.

Sirius had got so distracted by his drawing that he forgot he was supposed to be writing a letter. The motorbike looked like it needed a rider or two. He wasn't good at drawing people, though, and he was a bit worried that it was going to ruin the whole thing. Still, it would be nice to be able to draw himself and Remus riding the bike. Perhaps he could give Remus the drawing when it was done, if it was good enough.

When they were both done, they spread out their papers on the floor to show each other. “The drawing is nice.” James commented as he tilted his head a little to the side to see. “Would Remus be confused if you only give him a drawing of a motorbike?”

“I dunno, maybe. He might like it, but it doesn’t really say ‘I like you,’ you know?” Sirius wrinkled his nose at the paper, squinting a little to see if that made it more romantic. It didn’t. “Lemme see your poem for Evans.” 

“Don’t copy it now.” James joked as he turned his piece of paper around to show Sirius. “If you like it, though, I can write one for you for Remus.”  
Sirius read the poem, gnawing on his lower lip to keep from laughing. It was very, very dramatic and well done, but he couldn’t send anything like this to Remus. “No, I’ll have to figure something else out, mate.” 

James patted Sirius on the back as an encouragement, tugging the piece of paper away from his best friend. “Take all the time you need to figure it out. I’m afraid we have to call it a night, mate.” He couldn’t keep his yawn in anymore after coming up with his masterpiece, and he reached his arms up to stretch.

It was going to bother Sirius that he didn’t know how to tell Remus that he liked him. He probably wouldn’t get much farther than this today, though. He wouldn’t be able to finish anyway, if James was going to go to bed. 

James crossed his arms to take of his dirty clothes and flung it aside, before climbing into his bed. “Are you going to stay over tonight?”

“Yeah, if that’s okay.” Sirius sprawled out on the floor, stretching his legs up into the air. His parents wouldn’t care if he spent the night at the Potters. “I’ll sleep on the floor.” 

James laughed, dangling a leg off of his bed to nudge Sirius gently on the side with his foot. “Your ass is gonna hurt. Go back to your room.”

Sirius laughed and rolled over onto his stomach, resting his head on his arms. “Are my pajamas still here?” He stayed over at the Potters’ house so often that he had a guest room all to himself and he had a tendency to abandon some of his clothes there from time to time. 

“Where else would they be?” James scrunched his nose up as if he was disgusted by Sirius’ dirty clothes. His mum actually did Sirius’ laundry as well, but James just liked teasing his best friend.

“The garbage, if your parents got tired of me.” Sirius pushed himself up off of the floor, stretching a bit before ruffling James’s hair. 

James flailed his arm in an attempt to swat Sirius’ hand away, to stop him from ruffling his already very ruffled hair. “My parents wouldn’t, even if I was tired of you messing with my hair!”

“Okay, okay. I’ll let you sleep, then. See you in the morning.” Sirius gave James a sleepy, one armed hug as his friend made a face at him, before leaving to head down the hall to the guest room that Mrs. Potter had made for him.


End file.
